HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

bob k. mando · Post by **bob k. mando** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 10:30 pm

I hope I misunderstood this joke, but I am very afraid I understood it correctly....

Kentucky, Tennessee and West Virginia are the heart of the southern Appalachians ... world renowned for being full of hillbilly's and rednecks. with a reputation for, shall we say, unsavory affections for close relatives. the Hatfield-McCoy feud originates from this area.

and as for Daetara

daetara · Post by **daetara** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 7:02 am

but cute, i'll grant you.

voralfred · Post by **voralfred** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 9:02 am

bob k. mando wrote: shall we say, unsavory affections for close relatives.
he Hatfield-McCoy feud originates from this area.

So I did understand vb's joke correctly...

About the feud. Believe it or not, when reading the wiki page I was thinking: looks just like the feud in "Huck Finn"... and indeed the end of the wiki page did mention that Mark Twain had alluded to it.

So who is the real daetara?

(don't

me, I spelled it right, this time)

daetara · Post by **daetara** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 10:32 am

okay, how about this then?

voralfred · Post by **voralfred** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 11:02 am

Ouch!

But why? I spelled it right, I spelled it right!

I think I stand by my opinion: daetara is not a real cat after all. Only a human, and a woman at that, trying to pass for a typing cat, could be so cruel to me!

daetara · Post by **daetara** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 11:08 am

wow...you've obviously never seen a cat playing with a mouse, or a chipmunk, then. cats are cruel!

voralfred · Post by **voralfred** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 11:20 am

daetara wrote:wow...you've obviously never seen a cat playing with a mouse, or a chipmunk, then. cats are cruel!

Well, as a matter of fact, I never did!

I saw cats playing with woolballs, and things, or their own tail, but I always lived in cities, and, well, though I did see rats in the subway, there were no cats there, and mice don't get into apartments in Paris (the kind of apartments where I go, at least) so for me a cat is a funny little animal, usually playful, occasionally bad tempered in which case likely to scratch a little bit a hand trying an unwanted caress, but not worse than that.

Women, on the other hand.... and don't accuse me of misoginy, this site is one of hte most misandric, or androphobic, I ever saw

voralfred · Post by **voralfred** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 12:15 pm

A purely technical question:
vb, how did you get this address
http://www.theforce.net/kids/alderaan/s ... om_cat.jpg
Whatever I do, I cannot get farther than
http://www.theforce.net/kids/
I get many different pages but all of them seem to have the same address, I mean, the line on top of my navigator is always that, even though I can navigate to dozens of different pages, including the one with the image or the phantom cat on it. But I cannot make the address of the image appear.
The reason I ask, on the same page there is another nice picture that, it seems to me, has some connection with a Mr. Titanic vs Kvetch dispute....

I solved my own question: go through "Google Images" search

So I wonder, does Mr. Titanic see Kvetch looking like that?

Post by **Mr. Titanic** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 3:30 pm

NOOO Mr. Titanic does not. Mr. Titanic shall not disclose how his magic eyes perceive the world because it would be virtually impossible for the lesser creatures to fathom such marvelous sights. In addition, please check Rule #8 for clarification.

(HAHAHHA I love it, Voralfred! Hehehe.)

violetblue · Post by **violetblue** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 7:45 pm

I hadn't seen daetara's joke! That is hilarious! And so true! Yes, as much as Mr. T postures, I do believe us women rule the roost.

After seeing a real picture of Kvetch puppy, I think I will take him from Mr. T. This is Kvetch looking angry because Mr. T is trying to make him do tricks. Come over to my side, Kvetch, and it's kibbles as far as the eye can see--with no humiliation!

Post by **Kvetch** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 5:24 am

There is no way I'll be able to escape being a puppy, is there?

Now, I might be interested - if I knew what kibbles were...

Post by **laurie** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 9:54 pm

Kvetch wrote:There is no way I'll be able to escape being a puppy, is there?

Now, I might be interested - if I knew what kibbles were...

kibble
tr.v. - To crush or grind (grain, for example) coarsely.

n. - Meal ground by this process and used in the form of pellets especially for pet food.

Post by **Mr. Titanic** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 11:14 pm

Aww. Grumpy Pets. You're a riot Violetblue!

I warn you, however, do not lure my captives away from me. I do not respond kindly to that.

Kvetch wrote:There is no way I'll be able to escape being a puppy, is there?

Now, I might be interested - if I knew what kibbles were...

Oh Silly Kvetch. You're not just a Puppy. You are MY Puppy. And no, there is no way to escape. Perhaps now you will begin to comprehend the boundless power I posses. Perhaps now you will regret trifling with me. But I do not regret it, dear pet. *Pats his head.*

daetara · Post by **daetara** » Mon Jul 02, 2007 7:14 pm

ahem...getting back to the purpose of this thread...

DO ELEPHANTS REALLY HAVE MEMORIES? AN INTERESTING STORY!
I don't usually like these heart-warming stories, but this one is truly amazing.

In 1986, a man named Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teen aged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did this several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wonder if this was the same elephant.

Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

voralfred · Post by **voralfred** » Tue Jul 03, 2007 1:12 am

daetara wrote:ahem...getting back to the purpose of this thread...

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

Or maybe it was the same one, but the opeartion had been a failure, he suffered from infection, suffered horribly until finally got better. Not having access to courts to get huge payment from his doctor for medical mistake, he took the matter in his own hands.. or trunk, rather...

daetara · Post by **daetara** » Tue Jul 03, 2007 7:06 am

voralfred wrote:Or maybe it was the same one, but the opeartion had been a failure, he suffered from infection, suffered horribly until finally got better. Not having access to courts to get huge payment from his doctor for medical mistake, he took the matter in his own hands.. or trunk, rather...

*sigh*...you just have to take the fun out of it, don't you.

voralfred · Post by **voralfred** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 4:18 pm

What country were Adam and Eve citizens of?

Spoiler: show

the grim squeaker · Post by **the grim squeaker** » Thu Jul 19, 2007 4:57 am

Thegardenofedenland?

voralfred · Post by **voralfred** » Fri Jul 20, 2007 9:28 am

Wrong answer. You lose your goosehonk, and even your rubberduckie

voralfred · Post by **voralfred** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 5:20 pm

A joke that takes place before automobiles existed:

A rich man went on a trip with his own horse-drawn carriage and its driver. On the first night out, he stopped at an inn, took a room for himself but told the driver to spend the night sitting on the carriage, and insisted he stay awake to check thieves could not steal the two horses.
But the rich man's worries kept him from sleeping soundly. At 2am he wakes up, runs to the stable and calls the driver.
"Are you sleeping?"
"No, I'm awake"
"What are you doing?"
"I'm Thinking" you could hear the capitalized verb
"What are you thinking about?"
"Every year, in the fall, the trees lose their leaves. All these leaves, year after year... Where have they disappeared?"
"Very well, keep thinking".
But the rich man still cannot sleep soundly. At 4am he wakes up again, runs to the stable and calls the driver.
"Are you sleeping?"
"No, I'm awake"
"What are you doing?"
"I'm Thinking"
"What are you thinking about?"
"Every year, in the winter, there are these big snowfalls. All this snow, year after year... Where has it all disappeared?"
"Very well, keep thinking".
Finally dawn arrives. Time to get ready. At 6am the inn is waking up and the rich man runs to the stable and calls the driver.
"Are you sleeping?"
"No, I'm awake"
"What are you doing?"
"I'm Thinking"
"What are you thinking about?"
"Throughout the night I've been awake, Thinking and Thinking.

Spoiler: show

Post by **Ghost** » Fri Aug 17, 2007 5:36 pm

What is the difference between girls/woman Aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78 ?

At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!

At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???

voralfred · Post by **voralfred** » Mon Aug 20, 2007 4:13 am

A man borrowed a book from a friend and gave it back some time later. The friend took it back without checking it inside.

A few days later, meeting the borrower, the friend told him: "Really, you did not take care of the book you borrowed, it is now full of stains and some pages are torn".

The other retorted:
"What are you talking about?
First, it was already stained and torn when I borrowed it.
Second, I returned it to you in pristine condition.
And finally what are you talking about? I never borrowed any book from you!"

Nighteyes · Post by **Nighteyes** » Fri Aug 24, 2007 1:17 am

What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

"Make me one with everything."

Post by **Mr. Titanic** » Fri Aug 24, 2007 11:35 am

Charlie has a joke like that.

Post by **Kvetch** » Fri Aug 24, 2007 7:46 pm

As I recall it had the addendum that the vendor made up the order, and didn't return any money. When challenged, he replied

"Change comes from within"

The Internet Book Database of Fiction

HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

DEEP THINKING