Extreme Cuisine & Strange Ingredients

[Aunflin]

hmmm... I always thought it was called "lean pig" rather than "long pig." But who knows. I sure ain't gonna eat anybody to find out.../yuck!

[KiltanneN]

not that all this is anything but hearsay, it just may be a wrong idea that's circulated around so long everybody believes it now.

Long pig is definately the common name for human meat.

I have it on 3rd hand authority [My father conversed with a Fijian cannibal & he told me] that the best part/age of human is the forearm of a pre-pubescent child [10 or so...]

Personally I cannot think of an area of cuisine less tastefull for experimentation. There is no need to eat ANY creature that has a high level of intelligence. Dolphins. Killer Whales. Chimpanzees. Homo Sapien.

Not my cup of tea at all, I think you may be right about "Green Fried Tomatoes" though - both in what they claimed the meat was and in who ate it.

kilt

edit: fixed a confused sentance structure

[bob k. mando]

the best part/age of human is the forearm of a pre-pubescent child

awww man, that's just wrong.

everyone knows breast meat is better than the wings.

[rimshot as the crowd groans]

sorry, sorry. but to think about the mechanics of that is horrifying. the man had eaten enough people of different sexes / ages to have an opinion about which particular cut of meat was the best. there aren't really words to describe that.

and liberals go on and on about how wrong westerners are to call them 'savages' or to think that their culture isn't as 'valuable' as our own.

[KiltanneN]

sorry, sorry. but to think about the mechanics of that is horrifying. the man had eaten enough people of different sexes / ages to have an opinion about which particular cut of meat was the best. there aren't really words to describe that.

and liberals go on and on about how wrong westerners are to call them 'savages' or to think that their culture isn't as 'valuable' as our own.

In his defense this was in the mid 70's and the man was 85-95 years old . He also had stopped being a practising cannibal many many yeas before, in his teens I believe...

Also - part of his knowledge/opinions may have come from his peers/ elders. [Their own version of he "Tap-Room" - oral I guess?]

kilt

[Darb]

human flesh is supposed to taste like pork

Ok, time for a little food theory & anatomy ...

I dont buy into the above hypothesis, because our hemoglobin content is far higher than pork ... our meat would definitely be considered much closer to "red" (or 'pink') rather than "white", and the flavor would necessarily reflect that.

As for forearms being the tastiest - I can easily believe it. It's a well known fact that extremities of mammals & birds are the most used, have the darkest and most strongly flavored meat, and have the most connective tissue.

The connective (collagen) breaks down to gelatin after long slow cooking, which adds richness and mouthfeel, so human forearms and calves, as is the case with lamb shanks or veal osso bucco, would definitely have to be braised slowly, rather than grilled, to achieve proper tenderness.

As for being a pre-pubescent teen ... that's perfectly logical too, because it's a well known fact that the meat of mammals who have not yet grown old/large enough to reach maturity tend to be more tender and delicately flavored. A perfect example of this is mild-fed baby cattle ... aka "Veal". They're tender because they havent had enough physical activity & hormones to develop their tendons and connective tissue, their flesh is still high in babyfat, and their hemoglobin content is lower (i.e., their flesh is pink, rather than red).

So, based purely on food theory and basic butchery, here's a hypothetical breakdown on human meat. Not for the faint of heart.

Note: This is strictly theoretical, and for horrified amusement value only

FOREARMS: Darker and more flavorful, but higher in connective tissue and tendons - probably must be braised (stewed) for tenderness.
UPPER ARMS: Probably similar to forearms, only meatier and a little less tough - you'd probably have to braise it.
THIGHS: Probably similar to butt half of leg of lamb - probably best butterflied and grilled, or cut crosswise in thin strips and stirfried, or salted and dried into jerky. Probably the fastest and easiest part to work with, because of the large volume of meat with comparatively few tendons and an easy to work with grain to the meat.
CALVES: Likely even darker and gamier than forearms - probably the darkest and gamiest and toughest cut of meat in the human body. As with lamb shanks or osso bucco, it'd require long braising ... but the result would (theoretically) be an excellent stew, with high gelatin content and strong flavor.
BREAST/BACK: Our breast (pectoral) muscles are probably tougher than say, breast of lamb or mutton, so it'd likely be tougher. You'd probably have to braise or grind it. The back muscles (esp the latimus dorsai) is probably a better bet - probably decent after braising.
ABDOMINALS: Pork belly is probably much better for bacon than human belly, because we humans have a different musculature, and a lot more tendons & connective tissue, in our ab region than pigs, so we'd probably make crappy bacon - you'd probably have to grind it or stew it for a long time.
NECK: Probably useless for everything except braising and stewing.
INTESTINE: The small intestine would probably make decent casings for sausage, which could be then dried & cured, smoked, grilled or boiled. The large intestine would probably be better suited to something like haggis, which is braised slowly.
LIVER: Probably pretty similar to lamb or beef liver ... therefore it'd probably be decent panfried in thin steaks with browned onions. Hannibal's famous quote in Silence of the Lambs was more than likely extra frightening because the wine match he picked (Tuscan Chianti) would probably work quite well. If you find someone young who's also grossly obese, their liver might be fatty enough to make a decent pate or a torchon of fois gras.

[Darb]

Ok, end of digression regarding cannibalism.

Back on topic ...

Anyone else have any oddball items or experiences to mention ?

[Kahrey]

there was a man in Atlanta (Georgia) some years back that would store body parts in his freezer to eat later.... yuck!

why somebody would want to eat another somebody ill nver know.

[Darb]

I think you're thinking of Jeffrey Dahlmer. Definite sicko.

However, there are even more gruesome cases in recent memory. Case in point - about a year ago, a pair of guys met because of a strange ad. If I recall, the first guy took out an ad in which he says he wanted to hook up with someone who would kill, and then eat him. Someone answered the ad, and honored his request. Thankfully, he's in prison now.

Anyway, enough about cannibalism. Let's get back on topic.

[Ghost]

How about some extreme beverages? What is your grossest wildest drink story, alcoholic or not.

[Darb]

I tugged down a 2 oz bottle of tobasco sauce once, on a dare.

/me tries to remember other interesting beverages ...

[MidasKnight]

I invented a mixed drink. It is really very good. The only thing extreme about it is the name. I named it a "Shaved Pussy."


Ok, so I was like 19 when I did it.

[Ghost]

Try to top this drinking story.

I was seventeen, living as an exchange student in Bolivia. The family I was staying with took a summer vacation trip to the jungle area of Bolivia towards Brazil. We were visiting an uncle who was the bank manager in a small town of approximately 3,000.

At lunch one day with the bank manager (uncle), the mayor and the doctor who ran the local clinic, a local brought in a white metal milk bucket, the kind you would use to milk a cow. Inside was a tan colored alcohol beverage they told me was called Chicha, not to be confused with chi-chis which is slang for a woman’s breasts (TDs). Well, it was a sweet tasting home made alcohol, and everyone had a glass or two. I was young, adventurous and could not see anything swimming in my glass I had some as well. I didn't get drunk and everything seem OK at the time.

About 12 hours later (I do not recall exactly), I was delirious, my tongue had turned green, I was having full blow conversations with people no one else could see and decided to take off all my clothes as I was feeling rather hot. My adopted family took me to the clinic to get me treated. My friends, the ones no one else could see, kept telling me, quite convincingly, that the nurses were going to hurt me. Every time a nurse came over to comfort me, try to calm me down or see who I was talking to, I tried to get away from them and kept pulling the IV out of my arm. A little time later by a combined force of the medicine and my body ejecting the virus from my body (by defecating all over my self) I regain my senses.

[Darb]

Nasty !

Anyway, I googled around a bit, and it sounds like its a coarse beer made from corn fermented by a combination of wild yeast and mastication (chewing by the brewer). They have similar beverages in many third world countries, using other fermentables like honey comb, mare's milk, or sorghum.

Very unsanitary - and comparable to the kind of rough fermented beverages people drank back in the bronze age.

[Darb]

Ok, I took my Wife to my local sushi haunt last night, and my friend the chef served me a rare delicacy flown in fresh from Japan ... lightly blanched and thinly sliced raw sea cucumber. He explained it was a highly prized delicacy back home.

Now, this is not to be confused with the sort of dehydrated sea cucumber that's sometimes used in soups in Chinese cuisine - this was fresh sea cucumber sashimi.

I honored my friend by finishing ALL of it, because he'd gone to no small effort to procure a sample for several of his better patrons (myself included), because they were doubtlessly losing money on it, and because he himself loved it so much ... but I'm a very poor liar, so I had to politely admit to him that I really didn't care for it. I was honored and privileged to be able to try it, but I'd never order it on my own. Definitely not for the culinary weak of heart ... or people with dentures for that matter.

How to describe it ?

Shape: He gave me about 8 slices, each loosely resembled the cross section of a smallish tightly curled up portabello mushroom cap (about 2" across and 1/8" thick).

Color: Irridescent - sort of like the iris of an eye, complete with tiny shimmering multicolored veins.

Flavor: Hard to describe - sort of like a cross between snail & abalone. It had a very complex ocean-like flavor.

Texture: Extremely tough and chewy - about 5x tougher than overcooked squid. Comparable to the plastic bite guard used to position dental x-ray film in one's mouth, or like a divot carved off of the pier bumpers of a fishing trawler.

[MidasKnight]

Ok Brad. Tell me something you will NOT try.

[Darb]

Oh, there are a few things I can think of ...

* Rotting maggot-infested carrion.
* Uncooked food that's high in parasites and/or bacteria.
* Large squishy bugs.
* Anything toxic enough to cause genuine biological harm.
* Anything that would cause me to fail a drug test.

[MidasKnight]

so feces isn't out of the question

[Darb]

That was NOT an exhaustive list

[Ghost]

Oh, there are a few things I can think of ...
* Large squishy bugs.

You definitely mentioned the “squishyâ€

[Darb]

If they were fried and/or dehydrated, I might consider it

Everyone draws the line somewhere - that's one of mine.

I'd have to be VERY hungry indeed, or offered a fairly substantial bet, to sink my choppers into a big live squishy bug ... like "the big creme filled ones" mentioned in Disney's "The Lion King", or like the ones in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom".

[MidasKnight]

lobster is just a large sea bug

... squishy once it is shelled.

[Darb]

All joking aside (and I've often made the same joke myself), crustaceans and insects are not the same.

Bugs are a vital source of nutrition in many parts of the word, granted ... but here in the West, we tend to shun them out of habit.

[MidasKnight]

I always considered other families as bugs in addition to insects. Spiders aren't bugs?

[Darb]

Speaking of bugs ... it's nearly CICADA TIME here in the Eastern USA.

Brood X has already begun emerging from it's 17 year slumber in parts of Maryland, and as soil temperatures reach 64F further up the coast, they'll begin emerging here in the Tri-State area as well. Let's just say it's gonna get real LOUD and noisy around here, wherever there are deciduous trees.

I've read that newly hatched cicadas (while their shells are still fairly soft and white) are perfectly edible, and that recipes can be searched for on the internet.

Personally, I think I'll take a pass on it.

[MidasKnight]

Surely not Brad. I think they'd be right up your alley.

I KNOW my fish are eagerly awaiting the fine meals I'll provide them at no cost to myself.