HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by **Darb** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 1:59 pm

It might explain why vampires (as we know and love them) only seem to exist recognizeably in the literature & legens of the northern hemisphere

Kahrey · Post by **Kahrey** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 2:02 pm

Hmm....you may be right there....

Post by **Darb** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 2:17 pm

I guess that living in the deep south doesn't "suck" after all ...

/me continues milking the gag until it eventually runs dry of blood.

Kahrey · Post by **Kahrey** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 2:19 pm

Brad, the Punmaster.

Post by **Darb** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 2:24 pm

/me sniffs daintily

Ewwww ... did someone cut a pun ?

Well, it wasn't me, cuz my puns smell a LOT worse than that one.

/me tests Kahrey's commitment to getting in the last word

Kahrey · Post by **Kahrey** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 3:12 pm

Well, I'm glad puns are the only thing we can "smell" round here.

The last word on what?

Post by **Kvetch** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 3:23 pm

When Cho has finished with her punkins, I think she ought to give you a run for the title of punkmeister brad.

(best I could do. Will try harder next time)

Post by **Darb** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 7:35 pm

/Brad turns into a monster ...

BRAD SMASH PUN-Y AMATEUR PUN-STERS !!!

Post by **laurie** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 10:36 pm

But Brad, in your new incarnation, how will you "shoulder" the burden of retaining the punmeister crown? You seem to be missing the essential piece(s) of anatomy ...

/me thinks "monster Brad" is funny.

Echus Cthulhu Mythos · Fri Dec 17, 2004 10:41 pm

Brad wrote:/me wonders if 'southern' vampires in the southern hemisphere recoil at at the sight of the "Southern Cross" in the heavens ...

I was looking at that quite a bit last night. It is actually quite impressive; grabs your eye very well. But alas, I didn't turn into a pile of ash or anything.

Kahrey · Post by **Kahrey** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 11:15 pm

Well, then, you must not be a vampire.

Echus Cthulhu Mythos · Fri Dec 17, 2004 11:17 pm

Kill-joy.

[edit] My friend's sister is named Joy. It is very funny saying kill-joy all the time.

Kahrey · Post by **Kahrey** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 11:21 pm

Hehe.

Post by **laurie** » Thu Dec 30, 2004 12:58 pm

A friend sent this to me today:

REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Â Â Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

Kahrey · Post by **Kahrey** » Thu Dec 30, 2004 2:48 pm

Post by **Darb** » Thu Dec 30, 2004 6:21 pm

Blahahahahaha

Hunter B · Post by **Hunter B** » Thu Dec 30, 2004 7:20 pm

Haahahaahahahaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

Post by **Darb** » Wed Jan 12, 2005 1:54 pm

(snip)

I apologize in advance for the crappy formatting, but I'm feeling lazy ATM ...

> Here are some "CARDS" that Hallmark doesn't produce and should:
>
>
>
> My tire was thumping.
>
> I thought it was flat
>
> When I looked at the tire...
>
> I noticed your cat.
>
> Sorry!
>
> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
>
> Heard your wife left you,
>
> How upset you must be.
>
> But don't fret about it...
>
> She moved in with me.
>
> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
>
> I've always wanted to have
>
> someone to hold,
>
> Someone to love.
>
> After having met you.
>
> I've changed my mind.
>
> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
>
> I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
>
> I never believed in Hell until I met you.
>
> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
>
> As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
>
> That you're not here to ruin it for me.
>
> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
>
> Congratulations on your promotion.
>
> Before you go...
>
> Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
>
> You'll probably need it again.
>
> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
>
> Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
>
> (Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)
>
> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
>
> Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
>
> Almost Lifelike!
>
> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
>
> When we were together,
>
> You always said you'd die for me.
>
> Now that we've broken up,
>
> I think it's time you kept your promise.
>
> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
>
> We have been friends for a very long time..
>
> Let's say we stop?
>
> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
>
> I'm so miserable without you
>
> It's almost like you're here.
>
> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
>
> Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
>
> Did you ever find out who the father was?
>
> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
>
> Your friends and I wanted to do
>
> Something special for your birthday.
>
> So we're having you put to sleep.
>
> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
>
> So your daughter's a hooker,
>
> and it spoiled your day.
>
> Look at the bright side,
>
> it's really good pay.
>

Hunter B · Post by **Hunter B** » Wed Jan 12, 2005 10:34 pm

Very nice, I like it.

Superenigmatix · Post by **Superenigmatix** » Thu Jan 13, 2005 1:30 am

Don't think I've posted this before:

There was a midget down in Texas whose testicles hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem.

The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table and started to examine him.

The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia.

"Aha!" mumbled the doc and, as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor again and reached for his surgical scissors.

Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side, then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.

The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.

The doctor said, "How does that feel now?"

The midget replied, "Perfect Doc! And I didn't even feel it. What did you do?"

The doctor replied, " I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots.

Post by **Darb** » Thu Jan 13, 2005 10:31 am

LMAO

Kahrey · Post by **Kahrey** » Sat Jan 15, 2005 7:59 pm

Got this in an email:

THREE WOMEN -- ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY WERE SITTING
NAKED
IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE GERMAN PRESSED HER
FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.
"THAT
WAS MY PAGER, SHE SAID. "I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE JAPANESE WOMEN LIFTED HER PALM
TO HER
EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I
HAVE A
MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."

THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FELT DECIDEDLY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUTDONE, SHE
DECIDED
SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE
SAUNA AND
WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING
FROM
HER BEHIND. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FINALLY SAID, "WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT. I'M
GETTIN'
A FAX."

Post by **laurie** » Sat Jan 15, 2005 9:54 pm

That is GREAT, Kahrey !

Post by **Kvetch** » Sun Jan 16, 2005 6:41 am

that's just twisted.

Metal_head · Post by **Metal_head** » Mon Jan 17, 2005 1:58 am

Hey everyone!

IM BACK!!

and those who dont know me, im Metal_head!