Morbid jokes

andersson · Post by **andersson** » Wed Jan 30, 2008 4:16 am

Thought it could be fun to share our most morbid jokes - I'll start

What's worse than ten babies in a trascan?
...one baby in ten trashcans.

keep em comming

RoyalWolf · Post by **RoyalWolf** » Wed Jan 30, 2008 4:29 pm

whats worse than a baby going 100 mph.....me stoping it with a shovel

ChoChiyo · Post by **ChoChiyo** » Wed Jan 30, 2008 7:27 pm

How do you make a dead baby float?

Spoiler: show

Echus Cthulhu Mythos · Wed Jan 30, 2008 7:55 pm

I heard this one the other day and thought it legendary. Maybe it is a very New Zealand joke, so I am not sure if it will be as funny to some other people. But imagine this in the context of Once Were Warriors if anyone has seen that movie.

Two men were discussing their wives. At the conclusion, one of the men told the other,
"You are the man of the house. You need use your authority and tell your wife that you mean business!"
The man agreed and promptly went home to assert his dominant position.

When he got home he immediately stamped his foot down.
"Wife!", he said, "When I get home, I expect to have a hot meal ready when I walk in the door; I expect a hot bath to be ready once I have finished eating; and, I expect my washing to be done and shirt ironed ready for work tomorrow."

"Oh yeah," he added "And guess who will be getting me ready in the morning?"

To which his wife replied, "Who? The undertaker?!"

Zybahn · Post by **Zybahn** » Wed Jan 30, 2008 8:07 pm

Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?

Spoiler: show

Echus Cthulhu Mythos · Wed Jan 30, 2008 8:18 pm

A personal favourite...

What's so good about 28 year olds?

Spoiler: show

ODDBALL715 · Post by **ODDBALL715** » Wed Jan 30, 2008 9:43 pm

What do Michael Jackson and Wal-Mart have in common?

Spoiler: show

ChoChiyo · Post by **ChoChiyo** » Wed Jan 30, 2008 11:54 pm

What do you call four lepers in a hot tub?

Spoiler: show

Zybahn · Post by **Zybahn** » Thu Jan 31, 2008 11:32 am

ChoChiyo wrote:What do you call four lepers in a hot tub?

(oh, the pain...)

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Spoiler: show

ChoChiyo · Post by **ChoChiyo** » Thu Jan 31, 2008 10:16 pm

What is black and white and red and goes round and round and round?

Spoiler: show

Nighteyes · Post by **Nighteyes** » Fri Feb 01, 2008 7:20 am

A man goes to the World Trade Center. He says "I want to buy a jumbo jet"

"We don't sell jumbo jets here, sir", was the reply.

"Well, you've got one in the window!"

andersson · Post by **andersson** » Sat Feb 02, 2008 6:51 am

What do you give a dead baby for christmas?
...
A dead puppy

ChoChiyo · Post by **ChoChiyo** » Sat Feb 02, 2008 11:17 am

What's little and red and sits in the corner?

Spoiler: show

ODDBALL715 · Post by **ODDBALL715** » Sat Feb 02, 2008 1:17 pm

What's worse than a truck full ot dead babies?

Spoiler: show

andersson · Post by **andersson** » Sun Feb 03, 2008 2:29 pm

Why did the little girl fall off the swing?
...
Because she had no arms!

andersson · Post by **andersson** » Sun Feb 03, 2008 2:36 pm

and another one

how many babies does it take to paint a wall?
...
depends on how hard you throw them

ChoChiyo · Post by **ChoChiyo** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 10:50 pm

What do you call a bird that's been run over by a lawn mower?

Spoiler: show

voralfred · Post by **voralfred** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:21 pm

What do you call a 10 kilos (22 pounds) 4-years-old in Darfur?

Spoiler: show

I also like this one but it is already on the forum, thanks to Brad, so I just give the link.

andersson · Post by **andersson** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 9:46 am

What is the diffrence between a pile of dead babies and a Cadillac?
I dont have a Cadillac in my garage.

What is the diffrence between a baby and grass?
Grass doesn't scream when I run over it with my lawn mower.

How do you keep a baby from crawling around in circles on the floor?
Nail it's other hand down

andersson · Post by **andersson** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 9:47 am

What's twelve inches long and makes a woman scream all night?
...Cot death

Echus Cthulhu Mythos · Mon Mar 31, 2008 4:22 am

I heard a joke this weekend which makes jokes about impaling babies seem like polite dinner conversation. It was a truly henious joke, though I thought it was pretty funny (I am definitely going to Hell for finding it amusing). However I am extremely hesitant to re-post it here. I tried it out on a few people and got a few evil glares and not many laughs, hah, it definitely rips apart taboos. However what I find interesting is how dead-baby jokes, for instance, can be funny but this joke - which is actually quite clever - offends people.

Ok, I realise I can't be a tease and not actually post the joke, so I will do so with some massive disclaimers/warnings.

WARNING!!! EXTREME POTENTIAL TO OFFEND
I accept no responsibility for offence, and I am posting to support my observation above.

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Spoiler: show

*Cringes/dodges lynch mob*

But yes, you can definitely see my point about finding dead babies funny; in an analysis of the joke (ignoring the topic) it has a higher comedic value than most dead-baby jokes so why is this joke not socially acceptable? I understand the topic is definitely taboo but so is infanticide.

And to try and earn back a few brownie points, here is a joke I love which promises to be offensive, but disappoints.

What starts with F- and ends in -UCK?

Spoiler: show

voralfred · Post by **voralfred** » Mon Mar 31, 2008 6:33 am

I showed ECM's joke to a friend of mine. He suggested the proportion was rather 4 out of 5.

Spoiler: show

Nighteyes · Post by **Nighteyes** » Mon Mar 31, 2008 10:06 am

Not many Sickipedia regulars here, are there? The gang rape joke got top ratings at that site for a long time...

How about this one:

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says; "f*ck off, you won't bring it back."

moonwolf021 · Post by **moonwolf021** » Mon Mar 31, 2008 11:14 pm

voralfred wrote:I showed ECM's joke to a friend of mine. He suggested the proportion was rather 4 out of 5.

Spoiler: show
I asked him whether he was an expert...

Nice one. And I personally did not find ECM's joke offensive. (Rather it made me laugh for a while)

Echus Cthulhu Mythos · Tue Apr 01, 2008 1:20 am

hah, I got some evil looks/akward silences when I told that joke to a few mates at uni, hahah. I seemed to be one of the few who found it particularly funny.