Volleyball 2004 - Commentary

Post by **Darb** » Mon Jul 26, 2004 5:50 pm

/me scores Ghost's earlier post for him ...

Very entertaining post, ghost !

Current: Ghost +1 (obvious), Originality + 0** (Children's Rhyme), Entertaining +1, Continuity +1 (smooth), Rule Breaker + 0, Bonus +0 TOTAL: 3

** However, it pains me to point out a fairly significant goof (esp after receiving such enthusiastic praise for my own meagre efforts), but ... well ... children's rhymes are supposed to rhyme (re: "Little Miss Moffett ..."). Since the Children's story genre was already punched by Felon, I was unable to switch your genre to claim that one instead. Ooops.

Overall Scoring
Brad_H P: 22 O: 21 E: 22 C: 21 RB: -2 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 84
felonius P: 21 O: 21 E: 20 C: 19 RB: -0 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 81
Kahrey P: 12 O: 6 E: 12 C: 11 RB:-0 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 41
Aunflin P: 12 O: 5 E: 11 C: 12 B: -1 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 39
Ghost P: 7 O: 6 E: 7 C: 7 RB: -0 Bonus: 2 TOTAL: 29 (+3)
Mrdude P: 5 O: 2 E: 5 C: 5 RB: -0 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 17
friendforlife P: 1 O: 1 E: 1 C: 0 RB:-0 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 3

Genres used so far:
Action: Action, X-Men
Animation: Japanese Anime, Yu-Gi-Oh, Magic the Gathering
Comedy: Comedy, Slapstick/Odd Couple, Absurdity, Whose Line is it? (see TV),
Children: Children
Drama: Drama, Out of Body Experience, International Espionage, A Cop Story, The Mafia, The Twilight Zone
Impressions (Famous Authors): Steven King (see Horror)
Impressions (Literature): Watership Down, Hardy Boys (see Mystery), Tom Sawyer
Impressions (Movies): 1950â€™s B-Movie Monster Flick, Beach Party, Good Omens, "Men in Black" (MIB), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (TMNT)
Fantasy: Fantasy, Modern,
Fiction: Modern Day, Urban Contemporary, Young adult, Coming of Age
Horror: Horror, Gothic, Steven King
Mystery: Hardy Boys, Sherlock Holmes
Poetry: an Epic Poem, AD&D Filk, Haiku Duel, Sonnet, Prophecy
Romance: Romance, Vomit-Inducing, Cheesy, Out-of-body Experience (quasi ghost story)
Sci-fi: Sort Of, Alien Encounter, Biotech Thriller, Drama, AI Apologue
Spy: Anachronistic Private Eye, Spy (Secret life of Robert Mitty),
TV: Twin Peaks, Cooking Show, Soap Opera "As the IBDoF Turns", Whose line is it? (Super Heroes), Star Trek TNG (X rated), Inside the Actorâ€™s Studio (Existentialist Parody), Barbara Walter Special
Other: Stream-of-Consciousness, Screen Play Script, Flashbacks, Epistolary, Call-in Radio Show, Autobiography, Experimental Story Structure, Story within a Story withinâ€¦, Diary

Post by **Ghost** » Mon Jul 26, 2004 6:02 pm

Damn, damn, damn. I meant Children's Fairy Tale not Nursery Rhyme.

I'll get you

Brad.

Post by **Ghost** » Mon Jul 26, 2004 6:16 pm

I posted.

I know â€¦ I know ... Brad is now going to say while it was Horror it is not Eldritch Horror â€“ No Originality Point.

Kahrey · Post by **Kahrey** » Mon Jul 26, 2004 9:39 pm

I'll try to start posting again, but I have much reading to do. I'm only at the begining of page 3. I know I read alot of it, but I forgot it so I need to read it again. After all that, maybe I'll try to make another post....

Post by **Darb** » Tue Jul 27, 2004 10:14 am

Ghost ... children's fairy tale is a legit genre, so you get your missing point back

As for your new post ... havent read it yet. Keep in mind that "eldritch horror" is horror that's weird, errie, alien, and usually involves magic. Think HP Lovecraft. If it's just standard horror/monster/slasher, forget it

Post by **Darb** » Tue Jul 27, 2004 10:44 am

/me reads post

Yeah, that's a little bit closer to sci-fi horror, rather than eldritch horror. Tell ya what - you get a genre point for the former, and the latter is still up for grabs.

Anyway, excellent post

Minor nits:
1) Human breast milk doesnt just siphon out on it's own ... it needs to be pumped. Just ask any woman who's ever had to pump their own milk for their baby. As a writer, you always have to get your facts staight, because editors and readers can and will ping you for them.

2) TECH CONTINUITY: I have no idea what you're planning with this new 'serum' in your post. Perhaps it's something new and as-yet explained. In any case, the posts back on 5/20 and 6/8 established that Suin was using the Nojshe to stimulate production of a neuro-transmitter/hormone called PIH-32, which is extracted from the victim's brain fluids ... it is then refined into the pleasure drug mentioned elsewhere. Perhaps he's experimenting with other fluids, to see if there's anything useable in them ?

Post by **Ghost** » Tue Jul 27, 2004 11:34 am

Brad_H wrote:

Minor nits:
1) Human breast milk doesnt just siphon out on it's own ... it needs to be pumped. Just ask any woman who's ever had to pump their own milk for their baby. As a writer, you always have to get your facts staight, because editors and readers can and will ping you for them.

From my personnel experience, my wife leaked from the breasts fairly consistently when she was breast feeding our children. While her breast did enlarge (C to D) they did not enlarge 4 times as in the case with the nojshe victim. I assumed more pressure therefore a more constant trickle. My bad science.

Brad_H wrote:
2) TECH CONTINUITY: I have no idea what you're planning with this new 'serum' in your post. Perhaps it's something new and as-yet explained. In any case, the posts back on 5/20 and 6/8 established that Suin was using the Nojshe to stimulate production of a neuro-transmitter/hormone called PIH-32, which is extracted from the victim's brain fluids ... it is then refined into the pleasure drug mentioned elsewhere. Perhaps he's experimenting with other fluids, to see if there's anything useable in them ?

5/20 Post wrote:
â€¦ the victimâ€™s brain begins to produce a rare, highly prized, and as-yet impossible to synthesize, neuro-compound byproduct, which is then refined into a hyper-powerful pleasure-inducing drug â€¦

â€œThatâ€™s a clever idea. However, thereâ€™s one big problem ... the nojshe crystal, and the resulting compounds, will eventually kill you if I donâ€™t remove them.â€

Post by **Darb** » Tue Jul 27, 2004 12:33 pm

There's a wee bit of difference between a little seepage, and full fledged siphoning.

Oh, and yeah ... for maximum yeild/production of PIH-32, the nojshe is implanted in the private area. The inhalation method is non-fatal, has short lived effects, and very low yeild, and is only used for getting people hooked. The PIH-32 is harvested directly from the brain, not the genitalia. Remember the autopsy report of the hardy boys ? That was supposed to be the final clue.

It would only require a minor revision to your post to change the hose connections from the ... ahem ... dainty areas to the base of the skull.

It's up to you is you ... or just leave it as is, and we could assume suin's experimenting with other forms of extraction.

Post by **Ghost** » Tue Jul 27, 2004 12:57 pm

Brad_H wrote:There's a wee bit of difference between a little seepage, and full fledged siphoning.

I wrote slowly trickles (1-2 ml./min.).

Iâ€™ll leave it as it is.

I have some IDEAS for the Nojshe Child(ren).

Post by **Darb** » Tue Jul 27, 2004 1:31 pm

Ok.

That's one the slightly more awkward aspects of collaborative improvizational storytelling .... keeping the technology and continuity reasonably consistent from post to post, as the storyline grows ever more refined. Comic book companies have the same problem.

p.s. You've also made Dr. Olef a lot more of a Mengele type then I envisioned, but hey ... that's half the fun of this sort of thing - seeing what direction other writers take chatacters and plot elements.

Post by **Ghost** » Tue Jul 27, 2004 2:27 pm

I didnâ€™t start him out that way.

I believed he thought this would be a quick way to make some cash, but nothing is working out the way he planned it. He having to change and adapt his plans constantly, now â€“ he just want to get off this backwards planet and he no longer cares how.

I thought of him as super-genius medically, but quite naÃ¯ve of the world (the captain, drug dealers, etcâ€¦).

Post by **Darb** » Tue Jul 27, 2004 2:43 pm

If you think Nojshe is addictive, wait till you see what PIH-32 does.

I may have to do a post about that fairly soon, since the story has now leapfrogged along enough to warrant it.

Post by **KiltanneN** » Wed Jul 28, 2004 8:05 pm

**cough cough**

Palmer Studios and the IBDoF creator would love to figure out how to clear their respective names - but alas r/l is keeping their only defender out of the fray.

The twisted dementia that has become my alter egos alternate existance simply has to be experinced to be believed - and I CAN"T rescue him!!!

retribution will come someday least expected...

kilt

Post by **Ghost** » Thu Jul 29, 2004 9:13 am

That was GREAT!!! Brad, I loved it.

Tawana Brawley (nobody) â€¦ Pellegrino ION drive prototype â€¦ mining bogus facts â€¦ badly bent 10-penny nail â€¦ Ah the second Herbert Hoover.

Current: Brad_H +1 (obvious), Originality + 1 (Political Debate), Entertaining +1 (Tawana talkin), Continuity +1 (neck breaking), Rule Breaker + 0, Bonus +0 TOTAL: 4

Overall Scoring
Brad_H P: 23 O: 22 E: 23 C: 21 RB: -2 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 88
felonius P: 21 O: 21 E: 20 C: 19 RB: -0 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 81
Kahrey P: 12 O: 6 E: 12 C: 11 RB:-0 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 41
Aunflin P: 12 O: 5 E: 11 C: 12 B: -1 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 39
Ghost P: 8 O: 8 E: 8 C: 8 RB: -0 Bonus: 2 TOTAL: 34
Mrdude P: 5 O: 2 E: 5 C: 5 RB: -0 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 17
friendforlife P: 1 O: 1 E: 1 C: 0 RB:-0 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 3

Genres used so far:
Action: Action, X-Men
Animation: Japanese Anime, Yu-Gi-Oh, Magic the Gathering
Comedy: Comedy, Slapstick/Odd Couple, Absurdity, Whose Line is it? (see TV),
Children: Children, Fairy Tale
Drama: Drama, Out of Body Experience, International Espionage, A Cop Story, The Mafia, The Twilight Zone
Impressions (Famous Authors): Steven King (see Horror)
Impressions (Literature): Watership Down, Hardy Boys (see Mystery), Tom Sawyer
Impressions (Movies): 1950â€™s B-Movie Monster Flick, Beach Party, Good Omens, "Men in Black" (MIB), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (TMNT)
Fantasy: Fantasy, Modern,
Fiction: Modern Day, Urban Contemporary, Young adult, Coming of Age
Horror: Horror, Gothic, Steven King, Sci-Fi Horror
Mystery: Hardy Boys, Sherlock Holmes
Poetry: an Epic Poem, AD&D Filk, Haiku Duel, Sonnet, Prophecy
Romance: Romance, Vomit-Inducing, Cheesy, Out-of-body Experience (quasi ghost story)
Sci-fi: Sort Of, Alien Encounter, Biotech Thriller, Drama, AI Apologue
Spy: Anachronistic Private Eye, Spy (Secret life of Robert Mitty),
TV: Twin Peaks, Cooking Show, Soap Opera "As the IBDoF Turns", Whose line is it? (Super Heroes), Star Trek TNG (X rated), Inside the Actorâ€™s Studio (Existentialist Parody), Barbara Walter Special
Other: Stream-of-Consciousness, Screen Play Script, Flashbacks, Epistolary, Call-in Radio Show, Autobiography, Experimental Story Structure, Story within a Story withinâ€¦, Diary, Political Debate

Post by **Ghost** » Thu Jul 29, 2004 9:31 am

ROFLOL

Brad_H wrote: SHARPTON: (counter-interrupting) ... ah donâ€™t care how ya spell it, Bean. Ah want you ta admit, on National TV, that yer a closet neo-nazi sympathizer, an a bigot ! Admit it !

Brad you forgot â€“ rich elitist homophobe.

And just for the record, I would not have let Tawana Brawley lay a hand on Ms. H*****.

Our Distinguished Opponent:

Last night, I was listening to the political commentary on the radio when I decided to logged on to the IDBoF and see what was new. As I was reading Bradâ€™s volleyball post, the show host ran part of Al Sharptonâ€™s speech. The timing was perfect.

mrdude · Post by **mrdude** » Thu Jul 29, 2004 10:12 am

What is he doing to his duaghter's hand?

Post by **Darb** » Thu Jul 29, 2004 11:00 am

Hehehehe ... yeah, Shapton's notorious for his ability to blunt people's rhetoric by skillful obfuscation - and when cornered, he invariably resorts to the racial card. He's so predictable.

My stomach knotted, just putting the word "Senator (D-NY)" in the same sentence with him

How many people here remember the infamous tawana brawley lawsuit incident from a few years back ?

p.s. Kilty: bring in on, oz-boy.

Post by **Darb** » Thu Jul 29, 2004 5:23 pm

Oh, before I forget ... we forgot to score Ghost's last entry.

Current: Ghost +1 (obvious), Originality + O (SciFi Horror's already been checked off the list - oops), Entertaining +1, Continuity +1, Rule Breaker + 0, Bonus +1 (re-offering point declined last week) TOTAL: 4

Overall Scoring
Brad_H P: 23 O: 22 E: 23 C: 21 RB: -2 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 88
felonius P: 21 O: 21 E: 20 C: 19 RB: -0 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 81
Kahrey P: 12 O: 6 E: 12 C: 11 RB:-0 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 41
Aunflin P: 12 O: 5 E: 11 C: 12 B: -1 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 39

Ghost P: 8 O: 8 E: 8 C: 8 RB: -0 Bonus: 2 TOTAL: 38

(+4)
Mrdude P: 5 O: 2 E: 5 C: 5 RB: -0 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 17
friendforlife P: 1 O: 1 E: 1 C: 0 RB:-0 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 3

Genres used so far:
Action: Action, X-Men
Animation: Japanese Anime, Yu-Gi-Oh, Magic the Gathering
Comedy: Comedy, Slapstick/Odd Couple, Absurdity, Whose Line is it? (see TV),
Children: Children, Fairy Tale
Drama: Drama, Out of Body Experience, International Espionage, A Cop Story, The Mafia, The Twilight Zone
Impressions (Famous Authors): Steven King (see Horror)
Impressions (Literature): Watership Down, Hardy Boys (see Mystery), Tom Sawyer
Impressions (Movies): 1950â€™s B-Movie Monster Flick, Beach Party, Good Omens, "Men in Black" (MIB), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (TMNT)
Fantasy: Fantasy, Modern,
Fiction: Modern Day, Urban Contemporary, Young adult, Coming of Age
Horror: Horror, Gothic, Steven King, Sci-Fi Horror
Mystery: Hardy Boys, Sherlock Holmes
Poetry: an Epic Poem, AD&D Filk, Haiku Duel, Sonnet, Prophecy
Romance: Romance, Vomit-Inducing, Cheesy, Out-of-body Experience (quasi ghost story)
Sci-fi: Sort Of, Alien Encounter, Biotech Thriller, Drama, AI Apologue
Spy: Anachronistic Private Eye, Spy (Secret life of Robert Mitty),
TV: Twin Peaks, Cooking Show, Soap Opera "As the IBDoF Turns", Whose line is it? (Super Heroes), Star Trek TNG (X rated), Inside the Actorâ€™s Studio (Existentialist Parody), Barbara Walter Special
Other: Stream-of-Consciousness, Screen Play Script, Flashbacks, Epistolary, Call-in Radio Show, Autobiography, Experimental Story Structure, Story within a Story withinâ€¦, Diary, Political Debate

/me scratches idly at some fleas, then curses ... damn, Roy ... you need to wash those robes !

Post by **Ghost** » Thu Jul 29, 2004 5:40 pm

Brad_H wrote:Originality + O (SciFi Horror's already been checked off the list - oops),

I put Horror: Sci-Fi on the list when I scored your last post so no one else would accidently use it.

Overall Scoring
Brad_H P: 23 O: 22 E: 23 C: 21 RB: -2 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 88
felonius P: 21 O: 21 E: 20 C: 19 RB: -0 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 81
Kahrey P: 12 O: 6 E: 12 C: 11 RB:-0 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 41
Aunflin P: 12 O: 5 E: 11 C: 12 B: -1 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 39
Ghost P: 8 O: 8 E: 8 C: 8 RB: -0 Bonus: 2 TOTAL: 34
Mrdude P: 5 O: 2 E: 5 C: 5 RB: -0 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 17
friendforlife P: 1 O: 1 E: 1 C: 0 RB:-0 Bonus: 0 TOTAL: 3

Genres used so far:
Action: Action, X-Men
Animation: Japanese Anime, Yu-Gi-Oh, Magic the Gathering
Comedy: Comedy, Slapstick/Odd Couple, Absurdity, Whose Line is it? (see TV),
Children: Children, Fairy Tale
Drama: Drama, Out of Body Experience, International Espionage, A Cop Story, The Mafia, The Twilight Zone
Impressions (Famous Authors): Steven King (see Horror)
Impressions (Literature): Watership Down, Hardy Boys (see Mystery), Tom Sawyer
Impressions (Movies): 1950â€™s B-Movie Monster Flick, Beach Party, Good Omens, "Men in Black" (MIB), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (TMNT)
Fantasy: Fantasy, Modern,
Fiction: Modern Day, Urban Contemporary, Young adult, Coming of Age
Horror: Horror, Gothic, Steven King, Sci-Fi Horror
Mystery: Hardy Boys, Sherlock Holmes
Poetry: an Epic Poem, AD&D Filk, Haiku Duel, Sonnet, Prophecy
Romance: Romance, Vomit-Inducing, Cheesy, Out-of-body Experience (quasi ghost story)
Sci-fi: Sort Of, Alien Encounter, Biotech Thriller, Drama, AI Apologue
Spy: Anachronistic Private Eye, Spy (Secret life of Robert Mitty),
TV: Twin Peaks, Cooking Show, Soap Opera "As the IBDoF Turns", Whose line is it? (Super Heroes), Star Trek TNG (X rated), Inside the Actorâ€™s Studio (Existentialist Parody), Barbara Walter Special
Other: Stream-of-Consciousness, Screen Play Script, Flashbacks, Epistolary, Call-in Radio Show, Autobiography, Experimental Story Structure, Story within a Story withinâ€¦, Diary, Political Debate

/That wasn't my robe, you grabbed my friend's trench coat (he's the sexton at St. Gregoryâ€™s)

Post by **Darb** » Thu Jul 29, 2004 5:54 pm

My, that was thoughtful of you

Ok, take your pick ... behind curtain #1 we have the missing originality point for your most recent post, and behind curtain #2 we have the re-offered bonus point from last week. Curtain #3 is a surprise.

Which will it be ?

Post by **Ghost** » Thu Jul 29, 2004 5:56 pm

Well - curtain #3 of course.

Post by **Darb** » Thu Jul 29, 2004 6:10 pm

{The curtain parts, revealing an envelope dangling from a thin wire. Brad saunters over, tears it open, and reads it aloud}

Ok, for displaying some brass cajones (picking #3), you get your missing originality point back .. plus an optional bonus challenge.

BONUS CHALLENGE: your next VB post may be anything you desire ... but it must include an extreme cuisine reference that you yourself must complete, in real life, sometime during this coming 3 day weekend. It must be something you've never had before - no fair repeating something you've already tried and enjoyed. This offer expires at midnight, next monday. No proof needed ... I'm willing to take your word for it, based on honorable service to date.

REWARD: either one or two bonus points, depending on the extremeness of the cuisine.

Post by **Darb** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 12:20 pm

FELON: Blahahahahaha

Aunflin · Post by **Aunflin** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 4:21 pm

Loved it, felonius!

Post by **laurie** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 11:51 pm

Ghost wrote:

"And just for the record, I would not have let Tawana Brawley lay a hand on Ms. *****."

You're a true flower of chivalry, Ghost, but Ms. H***** can hold her own quite well, thank you. Just ask Brad......or my brother.......