SciFi: 5330 {+60}
Genre: Star Trek TOS
Uhura: Captain, the Romancians are hailing us.
Jerk: Put in on screen.
T'Laurie: {viewscreen} Capt Jerk, I have a proposal that may interest you.
Jerk: Go on ...
T'Laurie: Our respective genre empires have been at war for close to three years now. It might be possible for us to reach a peace accord with, say, an exchange of technologies.
Spock: {arches eyebrow}
Jerk: It goes without saying that Starfleet wants your cloaking technology. What is it you want in return ?
T'Laurie: We want your holodeck technology. It'd revolutionize our chief export industry ... romance media. Now, instead of merely reading romance novels, readers could LIVE them, first hand. It would be glorious.
Jerk: {skeptical} And for that you're willing to give up your biggest military advantage ? I find that hard to believe.
T'Laurie: How little you understand us, Captain. My people THRIVE on romance. Without it, we are nothing, as a people. We must have this new technology, and we are prepared to make extraordinary sacrifices to achieve it.
{3 weeks of negotiations, and installation of equipment, follow}
Jerk: Spock, is the cloaking device ready for testing ?
Spock: Yes Captain.
Uhura: Captain, the Romancian vessel has re-cloaked and gone to Warp.
Jerk: It doesn't matter. Wait til they try the holodeck we gave them. Heh heh heh heh.
Spock: Captain, that's most unsporting ... we had an opportunity for real peace.
Jerk: Nonsense - the Romancians can't be trusted, so I acted accordingly. ENGAGE THE CLOAK !
Scotty: {viewscreen} Oh my, would you look at that !!!
{an exterior view of the ship reveals the primary hull of the Enterprise bedecked with a powder blue push-up bustier, the secondary hull draped with a garter belt, and the engine nacelles each sporting a frilly garter.}
Scotty: ... she's BEAUTIFUL !!
Jerk:
{meanwhile, onboard the RSE Fabio, T'Laurie is conferring with her chief engineer}
T'Evaine: It's all hooked up Commander.
T'Laurie: Computer, run program "Anthony Andrews 1"
Computer: Enter when ready.
{the 2 enter, to an empty echoing room, with slightly bouncy floors}
Computer: {voiceover by Anthony Andrews} Welcome to the "Hollow Deck 9000", brought to you by "The Sharper Image" - the very latest in ergonomically designed children's room deck plating. Gentle on the feet, low impact on the knees and hips, and suitable for rough and tumble activities by the very young, the athletically inclined, and the premaritally adventerous. Interested investors can ...
T'Evaine: We've been had.
T'Laurie: Indeed ... at least we returned the favor in like kind.
Computer: {continuing} ... reach our website at http://www.bouncybouncywinknudge.com. Invest now, and receive a free Mugato squeaky toy, compliments of The Sharper Image. Operators are standing by. For a special limited time offer, if you use your communicators to transmit the phrase "bouncy bouncy" to code 198837667, your name will be entered into the grand prize drawing for a free oversize plush toy of the famous Captain James T. Jerk, of the USS Enterprise. Chances of winning are based on the number of entries received. Now, here are some testimonials from some of our top customers ...
T'Laurie: Computer, end program {obliterates the control panel, and the wall around it, with a disruptor blast}
Very nice
