Culinary Pet Peeves

[Darb]

None taken.

TB was just zinging me for monologing (like I always do) in a thread specifically designed for such. Such cracks are like shooting fish in a barrel - easy target, hard to miss.

[Darb]

Today's Peeve: Steamed Food Fiascos

(1) DRAINAGE: The other day, I grabbed a quart container of steamed beef with broccoli on my way to work, placed the bag on the passenger seat of my car, and after arriving, went to pick it up ... only to discover that the cook had failed to properly drain the dish before dumping it unceremoniously into the takeout container (a 1 qt foil tray w/a clear plastic lid). I knew this because my passenger seat was not perfectly level, some of the steaming liquid had dribbled out the upper corner and into the bottom of the plastic bag ... and the corner of the bag was dripping all over my nice leather seats. Expensive leather seats. Pristine, and never previously stained leather seats. I was not happy.

I got out of the car, hauling the leaking food with me - trailing a stream of beef-and-broccoli smelling broth across the driver's seat and floor box, before finally swinging free of the car. I reached into the bag, hauled out the container, and tilted it 45 degrees. A full CUP of liquid poured out onto the ground at my feet. My grumbling stomach narrowly helped me to resist the urge to fling the container (and the rice after it) across the parking lot.

(2) SEASONING: To all chefs out there, listen up. When someone orders steamed food, it means just that ... steam only. It does not mean heavily salt the dish because there's no sauce, nor does it mean I want sauce on the side. If I want sauce on the side, I will tell you I want sauce on the side. I encountered that one the other day - a dish of steamed food that was so heavily salted, that it was almost inedible, and the side container of sauce had a defective split on the lid that was leaking.

(3) DONENESS: Steaming traditionally means cooking until al dente ... it doesn't mean boil it until it's dead, nor underblanch it to the point where it's still edible by rabbits.

[mccormack44]

I don't know if it belongs here, but my current peeve is the inordinate amount of trouble I have getting nutritional information from some food services. (Mind you, 20 years ago you wouldn't expect this but when fast food places like McDonald's and Wendy's are supplying this information, one expects all restaurants to be up to date on this.

On Saturday, September 23, we went to Quizno's for the first time. The Black Angus sandwich tasted good (although it was perhaps a bit overpriced) but no nutritional information was available at the restaurant OR on their web site. I used the web site "contact us" to request the nutritional information. No response as of October 4. (They have both our email and our regular mail addresses.)

Tonight we had burgers at Ruby Tuesday. Their site offers nutritional analysis for their "complete" menu. HOWEVER there is no information on the french fries (I can use general information if I must, but estimating the quantity is tricky). Also the information for all the other items consists of calories, fat, carbohydrates and fiber. Do you notice the complete absence of Protein. Finally, the carbs given are "net carbs" which is not what a person tracking for diabetes needs. (I will adjust this by adding the fiber to the carbs, but sugar alcohols may also have been subtracted.)

I have just emailed Ruby Tuesday for these missing figures. I wonder how long it will take to get an answer?

Sue

[violetblue]

I can tell you this: the TGIF burgers in our town contain human fingers. Yes, it's true, our local franchise served a burger to someone with the tip of a severed finger in it. Yes, we did make national news, in fact.

But on a more serious note (what would that be, clong, a C... I think perhaps F minor...) I think if the restaurant refuses to list nutritional info, there's probably a good reason for it. My guess is that they're hoping you'll go away.

As far as french fries are concerned, I thin slice Yukon Gold potatoes, shake them up with some olive oil in a gallon size bag, sprinkle them with kosher salt and freshly ground pepper (and sprinkle on parmesan sometimes), and then bake them at about 400F for 30-40 minutes (I like them browned up). Much better than icky old processed fries.

[mccormack44]

Your baked potato fingers sound great! I'll have to try them soon.

In the meantime, we do sometimes eat out; my husband almost always orders fries. I am not tracking his food at this time, but I'm trying to talk him into it as he has high blood pressure and some sleep problems that may be partly diet related. If he ever DOES agree to a diet diary we will REALLY need to know about the fries.

Sue

[Darb]

Peeve: Grill Station Ineptitude (i.e., doneness that doesnt reflect what you asked for)

Grilling is not hard, but it does take some skill, planning and attention to detail.

OVERCOOKING: By far, them most common problem is getting meat that's far overdone, well beyond what's been asked for - which is maddening for those, like me, who are fond of extremely rare beef. For regular grades of grilled or roasted beef and lamb, I like things 'regular' rare, and for premium dry-aged prime, I prefer "black and blue". However, it invariably arrives medium-rare at best, or (more often) medium or well (over) done. Not too long ago, I ordered a porterhouse "black and blue" (which means crusty well on the outside, and a wide thick zone of cool extra-rare inside). It's not as easy as it sounds, because you need to start with a steak that's 1.5" thick or greater (2" perfect), and which is roughly 55F inside before you slap it on the grill or in the slamander for a quick high-power char, and then you "rest" it (ideally on it's side) in a slow oven until it drifts to perfect doneness. Some places refuse to cook it that way because they're afraid they'll get fined for selling undercooked meat. Anyway, the steak I ordered B&B arrived med-well. I went back another night to the same restaurant, this time when a friend of mine was behind the bar (someone who went to a good cooking school and therefore knows better) ... and I told him of the steak f**kup, and asked him if he could teach their grill jockey to make a proper black and blue. He grinned and disappeared into the kitchen, and not long after a respectable steak emerged. I tipped my friend well. Anyway, it's very sad how absurdly commonplace overcooked meat is. The fault lies equally with an over-agressive USDA, an undiscerning general public (who generally prefer everything cooked to death), and with cooks who always prefer to err on the side of over rather than under ... be it beef, pork, tuna or salmon.

UNDERCOOKING: Although less common, this does happen as well. The only thing I refused eat (or order) rare is chicken and turkey (duck breast is the only exception). I hate going to a restaurant or party and getting chicken that's overly pink inside, near the joints. Ditto for sausages that are burned on the outside, and pink inside ... a sure sign they'd been cooked too quickly and too hot. Sausages need to be cooked slowly, and then finished hot, for a crispy casing & optimum flavor development (and juiciness).

[Darb]

The workers in the cafeteria have taken to abusing me lately, not only because I told them I used to work in catering, but also because I'm periodically busting their chops on certain dishes. Here's an excerpt from today's banter:

Worker1: Hey, how's that gym workin out for ya ?
Moi: Fine ... fine ...
Worker2: I hear he's got superhuman strength now !
Moi: Yup - I can choke my chicken with only one hand now.
Worker1:
Worker2:
Moi: {pays for lunch}

[Darb]

Pet Peeve: WRETCHED OIL EXCESSES

I hate it when I go to an Italian restaurant, and some impossibly heavyhanded moron in the kitchen feels compelled to utterly and completely DROWN dishes in massive amounts of oil.

Case in point - on a whim, my Wife and I ate at a local italian restaurant this past weekend, and I ordered one of my favorite staples: linguini with white clam sauce. The dish arrived with, and this is no exaggeration, oil that was a full half-inch deep on the plate ... it was sloshing with it. With a mixture of equal parts annoyance and sick fascination, I tilted the bowl and spooned out some of the oil into a large empty ramekin (which had held tomato sauce for our calamari appetizer), and measured it out. I was only about to get out about 2/3 of the oil before I'd filled the ramekin, but even still I came up with about 5-6 fluid ounces of olive oil. A full wine glass worth ! If I could have gotten off everything on the pasta, it probably would have been a full 8 oz cup's worth.

Dont get me wrong, I adore olive oil ... but I dont want to swill a full coffee mug of it with my pasta. Ick.

This one happened again last night ... fried calamari in arrabiatta {sp?} sauce. It was totally drowned and leaden with oil. Ruined. It was like oil soup, with fried calamari and cherry peppers in it. The waitress asked if I wanted to send it back. I politely said I was starving and didn't want to wait another half hour (a veiled insult to thekitchen staff, because the dish should only take 5 minutes, and I was the only person at the time ordering food) ... in hindsight, I should have sent it back. As it was, i managed to pick out and eat half of it ... scowling the entire time.

I really hate culinary imbecils who don't give a damn about doing a good job.

[tollbaby]

ick. That's why I always roll my eyes when my brother "the chef" (please, he's trained as a prep cook) decides to make something at my mom's. Everybody acts so frigging impressed, and it always tastes gross. My food may be of the painfully simple school of cooking (I'm lazy - I can make fancy stuff on occasion, but it really requires more effort than I'm usually willing to put in LOL), but at least it tastes decent.

The one exception was the year he made steamed pumpkin puddings with Bailey's sauce for Thanksgiving - they were fantastic (well, the Bailey's sauce was, anyway... and of course, he made ONE thing that tasted good, so now I don't know anything about cooking because, well, "he's a chef, you know" *grrr*)

[Darb]

I think we can all agree that being a 'chef' or having a phd, is no guarantee that someone is genuinely good at something. It's often a sign they've put more time into it than most, but that's still not reliable proof that they're really good at whatever.

[tollbaby]

yeah, I mean, look at me. I know a little bit about just about everything, but I'm not really good at any one thing LOL I just find it funny that my parents go around telling everybody that their son is a "chef"... he's a frigging prep cook. He chops and slices. That's it. He's not responsible for the actual preparation of dishes, just the ingredients (and he didn't graduate the cooking program in college anyway, he dropped out LOL)

[violetblue]

I don't like it when counter-service restaurants put a tip jar by the cash register. What am I tipping them for? Minimum wage might suck, but if they want more they should work in a full service restaurant. What am I tipping? Their terrific ability to punch a button on the register and give me back the change the cash register tells them to? The next time I run into this, I'll start to give them a $10 to pay, then after they've punched it into the cash register, change my mind and give them a $20 and some odd change instead. If they can successfully give me change back by calculating it in their head, perhaps I'll drop in a dollar. Sounds fair to me. At least they've worked for it.

[gpackin]

Freezing cold beer
Beer served in a frosted glass
All styles of beer served in a typical pint glass instead of the proper glass
Lemon in my hefeweizen
Irish Pubs that don't have anything Irish on the menu

[violetblue]

Lemon in my hefeweizen

They put orange wedges in the hefeweizen here, quite yummy. Is that what you're used to, or do you like it without anything?

[gpackin]

I like my hefeweizen without any added fruit. I believe that the banana, bubblegum, and clove like flavors of a good hefe can stand on their own and should be savored that way, but that is just my opinion. I understand the need to put a lime in a Corona; you need to make it taste better. I'm also a member of the Beer Advocate website and forum; this always seems to be a big controversy there. Die hard purist say you shouldn't add anything to your hefe, others say that it enhances the flavor. I say add whatever you want in your beer, but ask before you do it to somebody else's.

[mccormack44]

gpackin said:

I say add whatever you want in your beer, but ask before you do it to somebody else's.

A very good idea about ANY matter of food or drink. Taste buds differ, some people are more sensitive to bitter, some people are less sensitive to sweet. Sense of smell (which affects taste) also differs from person to person. These differences mean that you cannot decide for others.

(Of course, I don't mean that one should serve unseasoned or underseasoned food; but if you are serving strangers, mention special seasonings, and offer a range of choices. And put the lemon, lime, orange, etc. slice on a plate for your guests—or the paying customers—to pick and choose from.)

Sue

[Darb]

I like my hefeweizen without any added fruit. I believe that the banana, bubblegum, and clove like flavors of a good hefe can stand on their own and should be savored that way, but that is just my opinion. I understand the need to put a lime in a Corona; you need to make it taste better. I'm also a member of the Beer Advocate website and forum; this always seems to be a big controversy there. Die hard purist say you shouldn't add anything to your hefe, others say that it enhances the flavor. I say add whatever you want in your beer, but ask before you do it to somebody else's.

Nicely put on the latter. Completely agreed, top to bottom.

[daetara]

oooh, yeah...i hate lemon in my iced tea, and while some places just put it on the rim others actually put it in the glass for me to fish out. and then they don't notice the pristine slice of lemon on the side of my plate, and bring me another glass of tea with the lemon in it again.

[Darb]

PEEVE: Lousy Mashed Potatoes

Today, I had some garlic mashed potatoes ... but the lazy knuckle-dragging slop jockey who made them used old idahos, and didn't even bother to peel them. As a result, there were large crumpled chunks of heavy tough leathery skin all over the place. It's ok to leave on the skins with things like young fingerlin, russets, or new potatoes ... but not old idahos.

Encountered this peeve again today, at lunchtime.

Speaking of mashed potatoes ... we had an elderly relative come over for dinner saturday night (a visting priest from Australia). I asked my wife if he had any special requests, and he asked for mashed potatoes. I make pretty good mashed potatoes, so I was happy to oblige. I asked my wife to pick up some potatoes on the way home.

She (and our relative) arrive at the end of the day, and what does she hand me ? Two (2) old idaho potatoes, from her mother's pantry. Only 2. Yeah, i'm supposed to make proper mashed potatoes for 3 hungry adults, with just 2 spuds ... and not very big ones at that.



I asked her to re-confirm she was really of Irish ancestry, before proceeding to make dinner.

[daetara]

so we went to a local italian restaurant "voted best in richmond 5 years in a row!" for dinner tonight, and i ordered the linguine with white clam sauce. sound familiar, brad? i'd ordered it there before, and never had an issue. well, tonight it was swimming in liquid...and was utterly devoid of taste. and not only that, but they had used a ton of fresh clams - great, right? rubber little pieces of junk. and they put all the shells in the plate...decorative, yes, but there were several broken shells in there! there were small pieces of shell in my pasta, and the light was so low that if i hadn't been paying attention i might not have noticed them. and i did miss one piece, and luckily i didn't bite down on it before knowing it was there. and the manager has the gall to tell me that "we use fresh clams, that's the way it's supposed to be, the shell breaks when we open the claims." correct me if i'm wrong, but there shouldn't be much effort involved in opening properly cooked clams...and there's NO excuse for opening them right in the pasta when a broken piece can get lost.

i didn't have to pay for it, luckily.

[tollbaby]

Don't clam shells open on their own when the clams are cooked?? I wouldn't go back there, sounds like they're riding on their reputation and no longer care about the food they're serving. Yuck.

[gpackin]

Don't clam shells open on their own when the clams are cooked??

Yes, and if they don't you should toss them.

[Darb]

so we went to a local italian restaurant "voted best in richmond 5 years in a row!" for dinner tonight, and i ordered the linguine with white clam sauce. sound familiar, brad? i'd ordered it there before, and never had an issue. well, tonight it was swimming in liquid...and was utterly devoid of taste. and not only that, but they had used a ton of fresh clams - great, right? rubber little pieces of junk. and they put all the shells in the plate...decorative, yes, but there were several broken shells in there! there were small pieces of shell in my pasta, and the light was so low that if i hadn't been paying attention i might not have noticed them. and i did miss one piece, and luckily i didn't bite down on it before knowing it was there. and the manager has the gall to tell me that "we use fresh clams, that's the way it's supposed to be, the shell breaks when we open the claims." correct me if i'm wrong, but there shouldn't be much effort involved in opening properly cooked clams...and there's NO excuse for opening them right in the pasta when a broken piece can get lost.

i didn't have to pay for it, luckily.

SHELLS:

* Question: were the shells gaping wide but still connected, or completely separated ? If the former, they were cooked in the sauce, and opened naturally (the chef is supposed to pick out any cracked shells both before and after cooking, along with any that were either gaping before cooking or which didnt open after cooking). If the latter, it's a sign they shucked the clams before cooking, and if they did, they had no business putting shells back into the dish, much less broken ones, because it's bad presentation and also slightly unsanitary.

* Size: Traditionally, for shell-in clam sauce, the sizes most often used are cockles (tiny), or little necks (small). Larger clams can be used if the shells are omitted, but the meat is usually minced, and progressively larger clams need to actually be gutted like fish. In any case, most self respecting chefs will usually remove at least half the shells, and just leave a few for presentation ... so that the diner doesnt have to wrestle with them, or need a large discard bowl. Leaving them all in is considered very rustic, home style cooking ... but if you're paying (rather than at home) the chef is supposed to do some of the work for you, so 'rustic' in this regard is not a term of endearment.

CLAM MEAT:

* If they're tough, it's a sign they were cooked too long, and they toughened as a result. Amateurish mistake ... he may have simply 'fired' your dish too soon (before the other entrees at your table were ready) and left the sauce on the stove, rather than finishing the dish and parking it under a warming lamp.

SOUPY:

* A decent chef will add pre-cooked al dente pasta right to the finished sauce (and by finished, I mean the last few clams have begun to gape open, and the ones that didnt were removed and discarded), flip the pan a half dozen times to toss in & reheat the pasta, and then plate it ... the pasta basically finishes cooking in the sauce, and absorbes half (but not all) of the liquid, and it also sheds a little starch, which helps slightly thicken the remaining liquid.
* A slightly better chef will do some extra steps, such as to remove (and de-shell most, but not all of) the clams one by one as they gape wide (so that they dont overcook while waiting for their tighter-lipped brethren to open), and then when all the clams are out of the pot, finish and refine the sauce, and then add the par-cooked pasta, mix it well, finish cooking it until the pasta texture and the amount of liquid left is just right, then add the clams back, plate it, then arrange a few of the in-shell clams.

Overly soupy clam sauce is a bit of a sin ... unless of course they serve excellent artisanal crusty bread, and some really good butter and high-end CPEVO.

p.s. I've got $5 that says your chef was an illegal alien from latin america, rather than a real paisano, or someone who went to culinary school.

[violetblue]

I had a really bad lunch last week, and I'm sorry I didn't send it back. Good for you, d, that you asked for your money back.

My lunch was supposed to be an Oriental chicken salad. It came with 4 hard, tasteless, breaded pieces of chicken on top. The greens were swimming in this sour-tasting dressing, and there were burned bits of candied walnut or something in there. Nothing redeeming about the whole dish. Plus the service was slow, and one of the workers started vacumning by our table while we were eating. I told her to stop and wait until we were done, and she gave me a dirty look (but she stopped).

This restaurant has never been a top place to go for me, but I've enjoyed some of the things I've gotten from there. However, between the service and the food, I won't be visiting again.

On that Top Chef outtakes show I was watching, one of the eliminated contestants was complaining that she felt it was unfair that their cooking be based on one challenge -- that they should take into account their entire body of work. As one judge said, though, a chef only has one chance to gain customers. One bad meal, and the customer won't return. That's certainly true for me. There is just too much choice to risk a bad meal.

[daetara]

* Question: were the shells gaping wide but still connected, or completely separated ?

they were connected, but if i'd put them on the table face down, they would have been perfectly flat. very strange looking, in fact. and while there were about 15 of the things in there, only on one of them was the meat actually attached to the shell.

these clams were about the size of a walnut. and there was no sauce...i'm not kidding. this was like pasta water with grease on it...absolutely no flavor, no texture, nothing.

while i would guess that the cook was NOT from latin america, whoever it was definitely did not do a single thing right. and since i've gone to that restaurant before and gotten that dish and thought it was wonderful, i certainly hope that whoever was responsible got reamed. i think the manager knew perfectly well that this was in bad taste (and brad, this is a "rustic" italian establishment, but i still say no excuse) but was assuming i was one of those people who don't know what clam sauce "should" taste like. he said something about "that's how it's supposed to taste, it's totally different with canned clams, but we have canned clams in the kitchen for people who want it that way" blah blah blah. clams by themselves don't make the dish...you need other ingredients. i certainly won't be getting that dish again at that restaurant, that's for sure. i can make a much better clam sauce at home, even if it isn't quite up to brad's standards.

okay, i feel better now.