Volleyball 2005

Discussions about writing, peer reviews, word games, and writing contests (re: "volleyball") for amateurs.

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clong
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Post by clong »

...his task, and Echus headed off to the library. The Brotherhood had suspected that Elvis was hiding out at the library for some time, but every time they seemed to be getting close to capturing him, the mysterious ghost of Mara had appeared, scattering the evil minions, and allowing the young man to escape. So far none of the GM ("Ghost Management") services they had tried had produced any results, with none of the vendors even surviving to make a second attempt. Still, this new team had an impressive resume, and Echus had high hopes they might finally address the poltergeist problem.

When Echus arrived at the library, a waiting henchman handed him a piece of paper that appeared to have been ripped from a student's spiral notebook. "What's this?" Echus demanded loudly. Before the henchman could respond, a chorus of angry librarians shushed him vigoriously. "We thought we saw the Elvis guy in the stacks earlier, and though we missed him, we think he may have dropped this," whispered the henchman. "Can you make any sense of it?"

Genre - Ode (with apologies to John Keats)
ODE TO MARA

THOU still unravish'd bride, promised of me,
Thou foster-child of Astraea and Veive,
Sylvan sentinel, chaste Melpomene,
Font of wisdom deeper than sages weave:
Those lackwit henchmen flee thy lovely face
Barren demons, decrepit imps of crime,
Foul offspring of dark Brotherhood’s dank vats.
Their fated doom in Hades comes apace,
Dispatch’d before thy countenance sublime,
Leaving a sinking ship bereft of rats.

Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard
Are sweeter; your treasured lyrics live on
In my memory, the song of glad bird,
Greeting spring in gay ditties without tone:
We youths, beneath the trees, we shall not leave
Our song, nor ever will those trees be bare;
Bold Lover! In our souls can we yet kiss,
An ethereal union only—grieve
Not, our love cannot fade, postponed bliss,
Forever wilt be ours, waiting to share!

Ah, happy, happy shelves! that cannot shed
Your tomes, nor ever bid old books adieu;
And dictionary ever unwearied,
Teaching your pupils unknown terms anew;
Share our tale of eternal happy love!
Forever new, always to be enjoy'd,
Forever panting, and forever young;
All fleshed human passion far above,
That leaves a reader sorrowful and cloy'd,
With burning forehead, and a panting tongue.

Who are these coming to their sacrifice?
To what green altar, O mysterious priest,
Lead'st thou those heifers lowing at the skies,
And all their silken flanks with garlands drest?
What little nest of flowing rancid gore,
Under Mephistopheles’ citadel,
Is emptied of its folk, this fateful morn?
And, little town, thy streets for evermore
Will silent be; and not a soul, to tell
Why thou art desolate, can ne'er return.

Our triumph no evil ones can impede,
Not brawny men nor dark wraiths overwrought
With undead spirits, pledged to Moglin’s creed;
Thou, silent books! dost tease us out of thought
As doth a muse: Cold Periodical!
When heartless death these villains lays to waste,
Thou shalt remain, in midst of lovers’ woe
As one, yet forever parted. I say'st,
'Beauty I know, truth and beauty,—‘tis all
I want on earth, yet it I’ll never know.'
Hmmmm, thought Echus. This guy has really gone off the deep end.

Just then he noticed . . . .
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Post by Kvetch »

… the pen in the hapless henchman’s hand

GENRE: Analytic Deduction (After Sir Arthur Conan Doyle)

“What’s this?â€
"I'm the family radical. The rest are terribly stuffy. Aside from Aunt - she's just odd."
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clong
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Post by clong »

Genre - scriptwriter’s nightmare:

The phone rang, interrupting my work on the current week’s episode, just as I was figuring out Echus' next move. I thought about letting it go to voice mail, but reluctantly went to pick it up. Maybe it was Angela, I thought, hopefully.

“Hello.â€
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Post by laurie »

. . . Maybe there was an internet book site run by people who would want to hear my story. One way or another, I was going to find my readers. . .

GENRE: INTERNET BOOK FORUM THREAD


CuriousGeorge

... and I was wondering if you had a place here where I could post some of my “works-in-progressâ€
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." -- Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

"So where the hell is he?" -- Laurie
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clong
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Post by clong »

Man, weird bunch, George thought. But it’s a start. And who knows, this might get me...

Genre - classic tv series spoof

. . . the constructive feedback I need to really improve my writing. They certainly seem like a group of intelligent, insightful, and respectful folks. Maybe I am ready to tackle that great American novel I have been thinking about for all these years. Yes, that’s right; this might work out after all. . . In fact I’m thinking that maybe getting away from the slimy world of screenplay writing will turn out to be a blessing in disguise. . .

With a sudden loud CRASH bodies flew through the windows, the front door shattered into hundreds of wooden splinters, and I found myself very suddenly facing the business ends of an impressive assortment automatic weapons.

“FREEZE scumbag! George Kimball, you are under arrest for copyright violation. Move away from the desk and put your hands behind your back!â€
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Post by KiltanneN »

I look up, and then glanced out the window, noticing that we were coming to a stop directly above some shiny railroad tracks. . .

It is with some consternation that I hear the unmistakeable sound of two doors opening and closing almost in unison. I quickly look towards the front end of the bus - as much as I can - and see the driver and guard casually walking away. The drivers holds out a pack of cigarrettes, offerring them to the guard. I never did catch his name, but the guard was Franky. Franky waved his hand, indicating he didn't want one. This occasioned a good-natured thump on the shoulder and a bit of laughter out of the driver.

I noted all these things in the couple of seconds I was turning to look out the window. What happened next has been etched onto my mind and I can recall it with freeze-frame clarity.

I heard - it seemed like from a long distance away - a train whistle blasting. I spun around, and to my horror through the window in the side of the bus I saw a train in the distance. I looked back at Franky and the guard, it was obvious they were expecting the train because they were laughing to each other and motioning with their hands to indicate how far they thought the bus would be pushed by the train. I turned back around to see the train filling the window. As I braced myself for the crash, I saw the bus around me become translucent and it appeared as if a bright white light was washing through the sides of the bus and even through the oncoming train...
The wonderful thing about not planning
Is that failure comes as a complete surprise
And is not preceded by a period of worry or depression
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Post by clong »

I saw the bus around me become translucent and it appeared as if a bright white light was washing through the sides of the bus and even through the oncoming train...

Genre – divine revelation (with a bit of ironic plagiarism thrown in for fun)

Time seemed to slow, as the light got brighter and brighter. Suddenly, a hole appeared in the heavens above me. I felt an incredible combination of pure joy and utter terror, and beheld the Maker of all things:

Image

A deep, booming voice filled my head: “George, George, author of bad teleplays!â€
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clong
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Post by clong »

I had been given a new chance, and a new purpose. . .

Genre - Hiring dilemma

After some contemplation of his new purpose, George quickly determined that, knowing nothing of the superhero business, he needed to find an experienced sidekick. He placed a classified ad:
NOW HIRING
Start up superhero operation looking for experienced side-kick/administrative assistant. Help me save the world! Defeat evil-doers and assist honest, hard-working writers. Superhero sidekick experience required. Knowledge of copyright law a plus, as would be some experience in the writing and/or publishing field. Send resume, list of books you have read in the last 3 months, and suggested costume design to George Kendall, P.O. Box ibdof, Hollywood, CA 90101. Compensation competitive; benefits include gratitude of Almighty God. EEOC
and waited for the applications to come in . . .

After a week of sifting through incoming resumes, these seemed like the best candidates

Applicant 1 – The Kiwi Punisher
Strengths: Composer/musician; Can call on legions of the undead in a pinch; has been known to defend clong from unfair attacks.
Weaknesses: Spelling is suspect . . . too many whaps from the spelling mistress may have impaired cognitive skills
Image

Applicant 2 - TooManyHitsMan
Strengths: Relaxed attitude; can blend into a crowd easily; would save on garland for the tree at Christmastime.
Weaknesses: Flying Bicycle has never quite worked right . . . it will take him forever to get to the scene of the crime.
Image

Applicant 3 - Number 2 Guy
Strengths: Extensive knowledge of graphic novels; lots of experience as sidekick.
Weaknesses: All of the superheroes with whom he has worked seem to have gone out of print.
Image

Applicant 4 - Cupidroid
Strengths: Might help with the love life.
Weaknesses: Has been known to be indiscriminant in choosing the targets for his arrows.
Image

Applicant 5 - CopyrightAttorneyBoy
Strengths: Well-read; knows the relevant laws; might be a more attractive target than me if we ever get into a shoot-out.
Weaknesses: Might make Satan seem more sympathetic.
Image

Hmmmm, thought George. . . This is going to be a tough decision. I wonder which one of these candidates is best going to be able to help me accomplish my sacred quest?
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Post by Kvetch »

He shrugged, and decided to put off the decision until he checked his post.

hmm...

"Bill. Bill. Flyer for window cleaning company." George glanced involunarily at the intact windows which he quite clearly remembered heavily armed bodies crashing through. "Oh good. Another bill. A postcard from Aunt Doris in. let's see. Lithuania. Wonder what she is doing there?"

George continued shuffing through his post, until he came up with a glossy brochure.

Genre: Mail Order Calalogue / Free Newspaper (hard to tell the difference, no?)

The MegaHuman Gazette
For all your Superhero, Evil Overlord, Mad Scientist and Allied Trades news and needs.

As far as George could tell, it was far more needs than news. As he flicked few, a few adverts caught his eye

Xplosive® Bio-monitors
The perfect solution for the traditional Dark Lord. These mobile bombs are directly linked to a monitor connected your heart, and upon your defeat by the enterprising hero, will explode in a user definable phased order, so your dark fortress can cinematically crumble down as the heroes attempt to escape. Free installation if you buy by credit card!!!!

...

Superhumans Construction Company
For all your construction needs. SCC has experience building everything from underground Lairs of Darkness to mountaintop citadels.
SCC offers:
• Fast construction speeds, low costs – Our workforce consists entirely of class one Superhumans. This means that large volumes can be excavated, or massive walls constructed, in a fraction of the time taken by ordinary humans with mundane tools. Since we are ‘onsite’ for a much shorter period of time, or costs are commensurately lower. All constructions are guaranteed to withstand an angry mob/army of darkness for up to a month with out extra strengthening (see our brochure for more details), or your money back*. We also retain a number of priests of various religions, to consecrate or desecrate areas as required, at no extra cost.
• Expert design. Access to a number of time travel appliances means that we can call upon the design abilities of such luminaries as Daedalus and Perdix. Our Patented MindWipe™ technology ensures that your secret passages will be really secret
We also work with experts in other fields (such as vehicle designers, aeronautics experts or demonic influences), to create synergistic creations, as required by the client. Examples of our work are the Floating City of Kai’kul, the stone-boring subterranean assault vehicles of Demonic Lord Foul and The Justice League of Belgium’s mobile command centre.
Call +44800 1345 596 to request your free brochure now!!
No Job is too Small!!!

*Collection must be in corporeal person, in the same body as when you took out the contract.

...

Home Alchemy Kit (with Free Crocodile!!!)
For the more retro Mad Scientists out there, this DIY kit will allow you to create steaming beakers and retorts filled with bubbling green liquid at home! No need for expensive bespoke alchemy, do it all yourself! Comes with free stuffed crocodile (and hangers) while stocks last!!!
Fill in the coupon below - Send No Money Now!

...

Superhero Tailoring
Fed up of having to resort to strange fetishist shops and grimy seaside resorts to replace your latest damaged superhero costume? Get of looks when trying to purchase a roll of neon colourd lycra? Come to Superhero Tailoring for discrete clothing services. Bullet-proof nudity our speciality. We guarantee protection of your secret identity.
Call +44800 1864 452, or visit our website http://www.superherotailoring.com

Some of those might bear investigating, but he still had to decide on a sidekick. George sighed and...
"I'm the family radical. The rest are terribly stuffy. Aside from Aunt - she's just odd."
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clong
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Post by clong »

George sighed and was about to set aside The MegaHuman Gazette, when an advertisement on the back page caught his attention. . . "Hmmm . . . " he thought "Herotemps. . . Saving the World, One Job at a Time. And they have a website. Maybe I should take a moment to check them out."

He eagerly went to his beloved Mac and went to the advertised web address

Genre: website homepage

www.herotemps.com.

After a few minutes of browsing the site, George quickly decided that this looked much more promising that the resumes he had received so far. He picked up the phone and dialed the listed number, eager to speak to a customer service representative who would, no doubt, help him find the sidekick he was looking for. . .
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Kvetch
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Post by Kvetch »

[Genre: phone call]

bring. bring. bring.

"Hello, and welcome Herotemps Professional Staffing Services. My name is Tracy. How may I help you?"

"Well, I've just got into the superhero business, and I need a sidekick. I understand that you company may be able to help me find one."

"Would this be a short or long term contract?"

"Oh, long term I hope"

"You want our Long-term Employment department. Hold one moment please."

buzz.

cling.

cling.

"The number you are calling is currently engaged. You are being moved into the queue. Someone will answer your call shortly. We apologise for any inconvenience."

tinkle. tinkle. tinkle. tinkle.

tinkle. tinkle. tinkle. tinkle.

tinkle. tinkle. tinkle. tinkle.

tinkle. tinkle. tinkle. tinkle.

ping

You are currently number 34 in the queue. Someone will aswer your call shortly. We at Herotemps value your custom.

ping

tinkle. tinkle. tinkle. tinkle.

tinkle. tinkle. tinkle. tinkle.

tinkle. tinkle. tinkle. tinkle.

tinkle. tinkle. tinkle. tinkle.

ping

You are currently number 33 in the queque. Someone will aswer your call shortly. We at Herotemps value your custom.

ping


tinkle. tinkle. tinkle. tinkle.

tinkle. tinkle. tinkle. tinkle.

tinkle. tinkle. tinkle. tinkle.

tinkle. tinkle. tinkle. tinkle.

ping

You are currently number 33 in the queue. Someone will aswer your call shortly. We at Herotemps value your custom.

ping

tinkle. tinkle. number 32. tinkle. ping. Number 31, 30, 29, ping. 28, 27, 26, tinkle...

As the minutes lapsed into what seemed like hours, George considered hanging up, but the memory of the hypnotically dull CopyrightAttorneyBoy kept him at his post ... 17, 16, 15, value your custom, 14, 13... - a few hours sitting at the phone had got to be better than having the CopyrightAttorneyBoy or the Number 2 Guy or any of the others as his sidekick.

Hadn't it?

... 3, 2, 1 ...

"Hello, complaints department here. My name is Marvin. How may I help you?"

"Complaints?! Isn't this the Long-term Employment department?" George spluttered.

"No, it isn't" the world weary voice of Mynameismarvin replied. "Reception must have made a mistake. They usually do. I'll put you onto Long-term Employment ."

"Wait..."

But the dialling tones were already chiming out.

buzz.

cling.

cling.

bring.

bring.

bring.


bring.

bring.

bring.


bring.

bring.

bring.


bring.

bring.

bring.


bring.

bring.

bring.


bring.

bring.

bring.

Although there didn't seem to be a queue, the phone certainly was taking it's own good time in being answered.

bring.

bring.

bring.


bring.

bring.

bring.


bring.

bring.

bring.

But just before George gave up in disgust, it was answered.

"Hello. Sorry about that. I couldn't find the phone. Are you calling about repairing the coffee machine?"

"Errr... no. Is this the Herotemps Long-term Employment Department?"

"Yes. Why?"

"I would like to hire a sidekick. I am..."

"You WHAT?" the nameless voice sounded incredulous.

"I want to employ a sidekick"

"You DO? wow. Oh, wow. Wow. This is great. Wow"

"Excuse me," Greorge tactfully interrupted, "why is this so exciting?"

"Wow. I've been working here for five years, and you are the first person who has asked to employ a sidekick. Wow"

"But you have big adverts, and an expensive website and everyting..."

"Oh, out temping department is doing fine, although between you and me, it is all one shot work - the complaints departments has even had to start hiring *robots* to deal with the volume of traffic, and you know how expensive that is. And you want to hire long term. Oh, wow."

Not very encouraged by this, George decided to to take a chance, and see what was available anyway...
"I'm the family radical. The rest are terribly stuffy. Aside from Aunt - she's just odd."
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clong
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Post by clong »

Not very encouraged by this, George decided to take a chance, and see what was available anyway...

Some time later . . .

Genre – job interview

After almost three years in the Herotemps database, finally, my first interview.

At 2:29, I got out of my Saturn, took a moment to check my make-up and straighten my skirt, and started up the walkway towards the door. It was a nice little house, stucco with a tile roof. Like most homes in this neighborhood, it had a hint of the area’s Hispanic heritage. The windows looked like they had been recently replaces, and the lawn needed mowing.

As I neared the front door I couldn’t help but feel a little bit nervous. This was the moment I had been waiting for. I hoped I wouldn’t screw it up. I pressed the doorbell button, and heard a distant chime.

A tall man, with thinning brown hair and striking blue eyes opened the door.

I offered my hand in greeting. “Mr. Kendall, I’m Laurie Venerations. Am I too early?â€
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Post by mrdude »

DVD Commentary track

Kelly: Oh, there I am siting by the phone
Edgar: God look at that dress!
[laughter]
Kelly: Oh yeah... So they had me wearing this crazy dress while waiting by the phone. Man it was so ridiculous. It didn't even fit well, and if I tun my head to quickly I get hit in the face with those huge shoulder pads.
Kelly: Oh theres that little dog. what a wreck.
Spike: We actually did twelve takes with that dog in in the scene and each time it went right for Kelly's ankles. We just couldn't get it to stop. I nearly decided to cut it from the scene when Laurence actually came up and talked to the dog.
Edgar: Wow, professional dog whisperer
Laurence: Thank you, yes thank you, no need for the applause. Oh here I come in. So they have this long dialogue between Kelly's character and mine here and I kept stumbling over the word officious. I couldn't believe it was in the script.
Spike: See I really wanted to keep this dialog the same as in the script, because it's a direct excerpt from the book.
Kelly: Really? I had no idea.
Edgar: Oh here it is, the big punch in the face. Laurence actually slipped and hit me in the face, totally broke my nose.
Laurence: I did not!
[laughter]
Spike: So we decided to just do the fade out here. In the script, they want Laurence to slam the door in Kelly's face, and have it go right into the camera, but I really didn't like the feel of that.
Edgar: Oh heres the next scene with the alligators...
- Mr. Dude
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clong
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Post by clong »

The same scene, as described on the the yappy dog's commentary track

sniff sniff . . . . mmm, ankles . . . . her ankles must bite bite bite her ankles bite bite bite [WHAP] yoooooooowl. . .run run run . . .run . . . hey! sniff sniff whatsat? she stepped in something . . . . something. something . . . . . her ankles must bite bite bite . . . whosat? nice man nice man nice man nice man, rub please rub please rub please rub please. . . food please food please food please food please . . . . hungry hungry hungry . . . whatsat? no bad dog . . . good dog good dog good dog good dog. . . TREAT! happy dog happy dog happy dog . . . . good dog . . itch? scratch . . .itch? scratchscratchscratchscratchscratch . . . . whatsat? mmm, ankles . . . . her ankles must bite her ankles bite bite bite [WHAP] yoooooooowl. . . . leash! No no no no no no no . run run run . . . no leash no leash no leash no leash good dog good dog no leash no leash good dog good dog . . . whosat? . . . sniff sniff sniff whatsat on her clothes? is that . . . . . . . . CAT! no cat no cat no cat no cat bite bite bite bite [WHAP] yoooooooowl. . run run run . . . . .whosat? nice man nice man nice man nice man, rub please rub please rub please rub please. . . food please food please food please food please . . . . hungry hungry hungry . . . what what what what no bite no bite no bite good dog good dog good dog . . . TREAT! TREAT! TREAT! TREAT! joy!joy!joyjoyjoyjoyjoy . . . itch? scratch . . .itch? scratchscratchscratchscratchscratch . . . . ymmm, ankles . . . . her ankles must bite bite bite her ankles bite bite bite [WHAP] yoooooooowl . . . run run run . . . run. . . hey! fightfightfight . . . whatsat? ankle? bite! grrrrrrrrrr! SLAM! . . . . RING RING RING RING . . .
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Kvetch
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Post by Kvetch »

[Genre: Train of thought, plus a computer screen and some desrciptions]

I definately need to do some writng of my own for a bit. I've got nothing to do, have I? - the spare uniforms are on order, the architects are drawing up plans for a stronghold - what else do I need to do? and what good is it being Author man if I can't author anything.

Definately the time to get back to the scipt for a while...

The next scene needed to get back to the Moglin ... The adjuncts and goodies had enough screen time for now - need some blood, or at least implied threat of blood to keep the guts and gore crowd interested.

Evil Overlord + Blood should = easy, but telemarketers are pretty bloodless. Aha - alligators. I don't need to go back and add stuff, because the alligators have featured before, so I have plenty of backstory. Just better check I've got the right details.

[time passes: ... I'm proud of Sam Spam. Must give him more screen time ... ooh. good pun! ... I'm not happy about that usage of 'pukka' there - must go back and fix that ... If I ever try to do lipograms again, remind me to shoot myself ... aha ...]

Good thing I checked. It is mom that has the alligators, not dad.

Although mutated crocodiles might be fun?

No, alligators.

What's the difference anyway?

Reference books ... reference books ... where are the reference books?

oh, under here.

[pain]

[pain]

[jumping around hugging foot]

OK, they were holding the table up were they?

Tidy it up later.

What was I doing anyway?

Oh, yes, alligators.

hmm. Abano, Pietro d' ... Abominable Snowman ... Agesilaus II ... Agesilaus II? who's he? ... [reads] ... hmmm, interesting ... anyway, ... Alliluyeva, Svetlana ... oops, too far ... aha 'Alligators' ... [reads] ... so, different shaped jaw - alligators are more spadelike ... alligator's top teeth over shoot (not interlock) ... and lingual salt glands? what the heck are they? hmm. Evidence of more recent marine ancestry. Right. ... this isn't important. Props will get it wrong anyway. ... focus George, focus ...

[tosses book away]

Right, a scene in the Alligator pits with mom Moglin and Igor. The capering/stupidity of the hunchbacked assistant contrasted with the hauteur/erratic genius of the mad scientist is always good for a few laughs.

Now, let's see. Switch on computer.

Code: Select all

|------------------------------------------------------------------------------|
|                      ___          ___    ___              ___                |
|          \      /   |      |     |      |   |   |\  /|   |                   |
|           \    /    |---   |     |      |   |   | \/ |   |---                |
|            \/\/     |___   |__   |___   |___|   |    |   |___                |
|                                                                              |
|                                                                              |
|                                     to                                       |
|                                                                              |
|              SUPER OS : The computing system for Superheros                  |
|                                                                              |
| Guaranteed not to crash unless hacked by your nemesis / the cute boy genius  |
|                                                                              |
|                                                                              |
|------------------------------------------------------------------------------|
Hey! This is new

[voice echoes in head: You are working for God now. Free computer upgrade with every divine visitation!]

[The screen flickers and scripts out:]

[Number of current situations requiring personal appearance by Authorman: None.]

[Current reports on action by opponents: None]

[Things to do today: Hire sidekick]

ohshitohshitohshit.

I wanted to give the impression I was talking to other candidates, so I left phoning back for a day, and then I forgot.

ohshitohshitohshit.

She'll have got a job by now. Definately has way to many skills to stay unemployed for long

ohshitohshitohshit.

I'll try anyway.

[dashes to telephone]

[scrabbles around looking for phone number]

[ring. ring. ri...]

["Hello. Laurie Venerations speaking."]

yay!

["Err, hello, George Kendall here - I interviewed you a few days ago. Would you be interested in taking the post of sidekick to Authorman? Terms as agreed previously..."]

[[quickly stifled yelp of exultation] "Yes, I would. When can I start?"]

[another quickly stifled yelp of exultation]

["Err, tomorrow?"]

...
"I'm the family radical. The rest are terribly stuffy. Aside from Aunt - she's just odd."
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clong
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Post by clong »

genre - Thriller (in a comic book sort of way)

A few days later, on the other side of town, Dr. Thomas Kendall was working late. “I wonder how George is doing these days" Kendall thought. "It really is too bad my brother’s television series was cancelled. . . I really thought it had the potential to be a hit. I wonder if there is any truth to the rumor that GHSC (Genre Hopping Silliness Channel) is thinking about picking it up.â€
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Post by Aunflin »

The Punster crouched motionless within the confined shadows of the large lilac bush across the street from Thomas Kendall's house. He eagerly awaited the police officers' reaction to his latest pun. Would they find it as amusing as he? Or were they like everyone else: mindless, humorless robots with no concept of truly original comedy?

He clenched his teeth together. If they'd only read the book, rather than declaring it "...garbage of the lowest caliber. A monumental waste of time and effort...reading the dictionary backwards would hold more depth and meaning for the reader than this ponderous mass of pointless drivel..." And the other reviews were worse! He wanted to scream. Could they not understand art, creativity, experimentation? The Punster shook his head. No, they could not! They could but see what was old and familiar to them--anything outside the box was to be ridiculed and consigned to obscurity for all eternity.

The Punster tried to hold back the laughter bubbling up within. He would show the world what art and literature could truly be: a living, breathing thing not bound by preconceived notions.

And now the first line of his magnum opus had been written, though it was but a half-hearted attempt with no time for revisions. But the story would grow. Life, Death, and Art would become as one...
"A writer's chosen task is to write well and professionally. If you can't keep doing it, then you're no longer a professional, but a gifted amateur." L. E. Modessit, jr.
Alucard
Bookworm
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Location: Thats a hard one... Do I get a hint?

Post by Alucard »

Aunflin wrote: And now the first line of his magnum opus had been written, though it was but a half-hearted attempt with no time for revisions. But the story would grow. Life, Death, and Art would become as one...
Lol this is probably stupid, cuz I havent done any writing before, and I kinda dont get the last story.

Sci-Fi
Then, Dr. Kendell stopped. The Punster became fell back, falling onto one the the thorny bushes. He quickly got back up, only to see the eerie street, empty. "What?! Where'd he go?" The Punster got up, when he heard the bushes to his right moving. "Docter?..." Then a disqusting monster came out, reeking of... pizza. "Hey that smells good!" The punster said, and that was the last thing he said, before the drooling monster ripped him in two, and started devouring him. All that was left was a couple of fingers, and some blood, staining the bushes...
[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v283/valucard/71d809fd.jpg[/img]
"So be it..."
Aunflin
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Joined: Mon Dec 29, 2003 12:23 pm
Location: Maryville, MO

Post by Aunflin »

...and the ground.

Nearby, the ghost of Thomas Kendall stared with shock and perplexity at what he had just witnessed. How utterly baffling, he thought. Confusion haunted his discorporate mind. Is this a dream or am I truly dead? He shook his ethereal head, feeling rather slow-witted.

He looked around his neighborhood. Everything seemed the same. All the houses were in their proper order, the trees were in the same spots... But something just didn't feel right. It was as if he were missing something of great importance. He frowned (if a bodiless spirit can make such an expression), feeling rather more perplexed than he had just moments earlier.

Maybe I'll just go back in the house and lay down. This has to be some bizarre dream. I've had the same before on occasion. It'll all be better in the morning. Relief flooded his being at this decision. At the very same moment, a slight breeze picked up, wafting through the neighborhood with a gentle grace. Thomas did not notice the breeze nor the breeze him, as he walked/floated across the street to his house, seemingly oblivious to the police cars, light's flashing red and yellow, in front of his house. He just wanted to go back to sleep. It would all...
"A writer's chosen task is to write well and professionally. If you can't keep doing it, then you're no longer a professional, but a gifted amateur." L. E. Modessit, jr.
Echus Cthulhu Mythos
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Post by Echus Cthulhu Mythos »

... be alright.

[Genre - Textbook]

Unit 18 - Standard Reduction Potentials


Specific Learning Outcomes


At the end of this chapter:
1) You should be able to describe the term Standard Reduction Potential.
2) You should be able to use the Standard Reduction Potential techniques in a variety of simple ways, such has coping with the trauma of being ripped to shreds by drooling monsters
3) You should have understanding of the specific case study of Thomas Kendall and how Standard Reduction Potentials were employed.

Standard Reduction Potentials

Standard Reduction Potential, (SRP) is the...
The penis mighter than the sword.
Aunflin
Legionnaire
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Location: Maryville, MO

Post by Aunflin »

...the study of limiting outcomes in an organized manner. Without SRP chaos ensues, leading to confusion and an inability to focus on an ordered line of thought...

[Genre: real life.]

I slammed the stupid textbook closed in disgust. What in the hell was this SRP chapter about anyway? Why couldn't they just write in plain, direct English! I snorted, feeling rather frustrated. I was so tired of trying to decipher meaning from unnecessarily complicated and vague textbooks that seemed more like word puzzles than tomes of enlightenment. But I guess it was asking too much for textbook writers to just get to the point.

With a sigh I got up from my recliner. I was tired of studying, could have cared less if I studied or not at the moment. I just wanted school to be over and done with. I found the whole process rather irritating and demeaning--especially the "refresher" lessons on subjects I already knew! And the teachers really didn't seem that interested in actually teaching--as long as we did good on standardized tests we could be as dumb as rocks for that mattered. What monumental a waste of time!

I stalked downstairs to the kitchen, wanting something to eat. I was home alone at the moment. Dad was working late--again--and mom had her weekly quilting meeting. My brother was away to college and my sister had just moved out a couple months ago for college. I smiled. It sure felt good to have the house all to myself.

I flicked the light on in the kitchen, eager to heat up some of the jambalaya mom had cooked the night before. I idly thought of snatching one of dad's Miller Lights but thought better of it, opting for a Dr. Pepper instead.

As my dinner heated in the microwave, I thumbed through the Victoria's Secret that had come in the mail the other day, idly wishing I had a girlfriend. I snorted. That wasn't likely to happen. Everyone thought I was too shy and bookish, which equated to just plain weird in most kids' minds.

Oh, well, I thought as the timer on the microwave went off...
"A writer's chosen task is to write well and professionally. If you can't keep doing it, then you're no longer a professional, but a gifted amateur." L. E. Modessit, jr.
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clong
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Post by clong »

Oh, well, I thought as the timer on the microwave went off...

genre - topicality restorative

I went to retrieve my meal. Rat again. Yum! I never get tired of it. And our basement seemed to offer an inexaustible supply.

I sat at the dining room table and sipped at my Dr. Pepper. Yes, I was thinking, if only there was something I could do about these boring text books and the sadists who write them . . . I idly leafed through the day's mail. I came across a flyer that featured a rather striking illustration of a bored looking guy holding a book in his right hand and a pencil, with which he was gouging his eyes out, in his left. Hmmmm, I thought, wonder if he's a lefty? I had better read what this is all about. . .
"BAD PROSE DAY?"

No job too big; no job too small.

Boring, lifeless text got you down? Call the experts: Authorman and The Spelling Mistress. We exterminate literary vermin.

CALL 555-4789
I remembered the story now. Authorman and The Spelling Mistress. The police had suspected that she had been the vigilante that had done a number on that punster guy (everything but a couple of fingers had been malleted into a bloody pulp). But they couldn't prove anything.

Should give them a call? Would they be able to help me deal with the scourge of sadistic textbook writers terrifying college students everywhere? There was only one way to find out. . .
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