Culinary Pet Peeves

[Darb]

We crossed posts - you posted as I was editing my post above.

Anyway, just to clarify ... I'm not lacking for places (or friends) that know how to cook calamari properly. Heck, I've got a place less than 2 stone throws from my house that serves excellent calamari**. The problem is that I'm SPOILED, and everytime I encounter sh*tty calamari, it really peeves me because I *KNOW*, intimately, that they're either just being lazy, ignorant, or both.

** Basic theme: give it a very very light coating, then deep fry extra hot at 380F+* for 6-15 seconds, depending on the thickness, or until the calamari is just set inside and the coating is light golden. 380F is too hot for nearly all other fried foods (Peanut oil has one of the highest smoke points, and it's usually used for that reason), so, if the chef knows his/her stuff and is committed to doing it right, this usually requires a dedicated pot or fryalator that's used for exclusively for calamari. Calamari cooked slower, at french fry temperatures (350F), is invariably tough and/or oily ... which is why the coating must be light and thin, and the calamari cooked fast and hot, so that they're both done at the same instant.

My favorite accompaniment for flash-fried calamari is either flash-fried slices of jalapeno pepper (nekkid) with a sprinkling of sea salt, hot sauce (on the side), or a light fra-diavalo marinara (on the side). Tartar sauce and/or aioli overwhelms it, IMO. I'll only eat tartar sauce with it if the calamari has been cooked to death, with a heavy coating.

[Kvetch]

I'd forgotten this was here. hmmm.

Apart from being given meat pasties when I specifically ask for vegetarian ones (at tackeaway places), very little bothers me (I usually know what I'm going to get, and I don't have the budget for eating cordon bleu).

/me feels a bit embarrassed about not being hugely bothered

aha - Garlic bread - If I ask for garlic bread, it would be nice to get something that tastes of garlic, rather than fried cardboard. Why do places always seem to either a) seemingly boil the bread in grease so that it has no texture and no taste, or b) scrape a small amount of fat over an already crusty roll then bake the damn thing until it resembles dwarf bread?

And restaurants that offer one solitary vegetarian option (and usually badly cooked). I mean, fine, make most of your menu meat or fish, but not every diner wants to eat a meat even if they are not vegetarians, and by offering only one vegetarian option you alienate quite a large chunk of your customers.

Going back to mrdude and his coffee, the whole faux-italian thing annoys me - I don't mind asking for a coffee type by name (although 'americano' has always struck me as odd), but asking for a size in Italian is just pretentious. And to make it worse, at the big bookshop in town, they have a Costa who label their cup sizes 'medio', 'grande' and 'massimo' - Medium, Large and Massive. Hellloooo? what happened to 'small'?
I just ask for a small or a large or a middle sized cup (I don't dare ask for a medium sized cup - too confusing)

I think that's it really.


oh no it's not - people who got to ethnic resturaunts, then order Steak and Chips, or Roast Chicken should be shot.

[tollbaby]

My favorite accompaniment for flash-fried calamari is either flash-fried slices of jalapeno pepper (nekkid) with a sprinkling of sea salt, hot sauce (on the side), or a light fra-diavalo marinara (on the side). Tartar sauce and/or aioli overwhelms it, IMO. I'll only eat tartar sauce with it if the calamari has been cooked to death, with a heavy coating.

I'm with you... a nice light tomato-based sauce with a bit of kick to it is perfect. I don't eat tartar sauce, as a rule, except if I'm eating unidentifyable fish and chips

[Aunflin]

Here are some of my pet peeves (from the production side) that have nothing to do with dining out.

1. I'm tired of working with cooks who have no aptitude for cooking.

2. I'm tired of people who say they're cooks, brag themselves up, and then can't even boil water without a set of instructions that must be repeated everytime they do it.

3. I'm tired of my cooks looking at me blankly when I tell them either how to do something or what to do...and then they just seem to ignore me and screw it up anyway--even as I'm watching.

4. People who think they should cook all their food (which we'll be setting in the warming oven all day, getting over-cooked) at once...so they can stand around and talk. Or they make so much food...3/4 of it is left over... (It's always our lowly skilled vegetable cooks--I can't seem to drill the idea of "batch cook" into their imbecilic brains...then I get mad, go off on them, feel guilty... err!)

5. "Cooks" who think they should get a break whenever they want--it's not as though the food will stop cooking as soon as they wonder off...

6. Or the ones who think they can just stop working because of a little burn or cut--hah!

7. Cooks who can't seem to (no matter how many times) learn from their mistakes (as well as the ones who think they know everything--and DON'T!) Actually, I make lots of mistakes (not as many I used to)...but I've always learned from them--one screw-up is all it usually takes for me to realize "don't do that again." And I sure as heck don't know everything there is to know about cooking--I learn new things every day...sometimes from the most suprising sources...

8. Cooks who can never seem to date and label their leftover and/or prep items--or take temperatures, etc. etc.

Ok, I feel better! Enough of my b*tching and moaning...

[Kahrey]

Feel better, Aunf?

[Aunflin]

A little bit...but not really.

[Darb]

Ok, here's a pet peeve of mine: the myth that "Omaha Steaks" are worth the high price people shell out for them.

One of my acquaintances/relations has this fascination with "Omaha Steaks" ... the basic premise being that you buy USDA prime meat by mail-order. It arrives frozen, and supposedly you just thaw & cook it and achieve wonderous results. So anyway, this person (who shall remain nameless) sprang for half a Fillet Mignon, and roasted it this past weekend for Mother's Day. It was a kind and generous thing to do, but the results are NOT worth the high price ($25-35/lb) people pay for such things.

First off, beef that's been previously frozen tends to cook up somewhat spongy and watery, because the cell structure has been damaged. It was also put into the oven while still too cold, cooked a bit too long and too slowly, and it was carved too soon after it came out ... the result was grayish spongy meat, in a big pool of juice. It still tasted good (hey, it's fillet mignon ... just like pizza - even when it's bad, it's still pretty good), but it was a FAR cry from what it could have been.

My wife prudently shushed me in advance, so I smiled and nodded gracefully, but what I really wanted to do was explain that I can easily get FRESH (unfrozen) whole fillet mignon for $6-11/lb, trim & truss it myself, explain how let it come up to temperature, and to sear it *before* roasting it, and how to pull it out at the right temperature and rest it fully before carving. Even better than searing and roasting it whole is to pre-cut it into single portions steaks (essentially jumbo scallops of beef), belt them with string, sear them individually until crusty and then finish them in the oven. Anyway, I'm glad my wife shushed me, because I didn't want to offend our hosts.

Such a waste of money, and beef.

BOTTOM LINE: if you want good beef (and good value for your money), buy it fresh & unfrozen from a local butcher, and learn how to cook it properly.

[Aunflin]

Amen, Brad! I hate frozen beef (and overly expensive items--especially the items people *think* should be expensive--like diamonds), though I grew up eating frozen beef--but I also ate a lot of beef that was basically fresh off the cow. But I much prefer to run down to the market and get it as fresh as I can. It always tastes better and has a better texture. At work, I'll use whatever they bring in. (I was recently put in the predicament of making BBQ sauce with tomato soup as its base! :shudder: And then I got compliments on how good the sauce was--a doctor actually attempted to track me down to see how I made it. It was time for me to go home, so I fled. I didn't want to tell him that I'd used condensed tomato soup as a base...)

Anyway, I just realized another pet peeve: not having the proper items in stock to make what I'm supposed to make. The only good thing about not having what I need is that it has made me *very* good at improvisation.

[Darb]

You can also make BBQ sauce from ketchup ... just add onion, brown sugar, worchestershire, etc, and cook it down. Oh, the horror ... I'd flee too.

[Aunflin]

I know that all too well, Brad. I would have preferred to have bulk ketchup on hand...but the only tomato product I had on hand was tomato soup... Ketchup would have been a *much* easier base to work with...

[StefanY]

Good thread. Reading through this, I managed to come up with one or two things that really bother me.

Smoking sections - If you're going to have a smoking section, fine bully for you. Just make sure that it is actually separated from the nonsmoking section. Nothing irks me more than getting seated at a table in the "nonsmoking" section that is right next to the smoking section. Hello, the smoke does not know which section of the restaurant it's supposed to be in. SEAL the area off or better yet, don't allow it at all!!!

Other peoples problems - I am at a restaurant to enjoy the company of whomever I am with and hopefully a good meal. I don't need to know about your problems. Please be considerate of others around you and keep your voice at acceptable conversation levels.

And for the staff, just be pleasant and keep the water coming and I'll be a happy camper for the most part!

[Kvetch]

I for one agree on all counts!

[mccormack44]

It occurs to me that though I've posted this elsewhere, it should also go here.

Misnomers on menus: My pet peeve is Strawberry Shortcake for ANYTHING under strawberries. Angel Cake, Pound Cake, and Sponge Cake all taste good under strawberries, but none of these are SHORTCAKE. Also, Pilaf. Admittedly, pilaf is a term that applies to a good many admixtures to rice; one can't complain if the added ingredient(s) isn't what was expected. Also, the base may be a pasta instead of rice. BUT there must be something added to this. Rice or pasta cooked in broth IS NOT pilaf! There are others, but only these two come to mind today.

Sue

[Darb]

[Mod Note: I threadsplit the digression into rice pilafs and saffron over to the culinaria thread. -- Brad]

[Darb]

New Pet Peeve: "SPICY FOOD" that's not even remotely SPICY ENOUGH

I eat out fairly frequently, and whenever I go to, say, a Thai restaurant, and order a "spicy" dish, I go through this annoying verbal dance with the waitstaff, trying to get them to make it hot enough. It usually goes something like this:

MOI: Yes, I'd like Pad Thai, EXTRA SPICY please.
WAITRESS: Oh, you like it hot ?
MOI: Yes, very much. I *promise* not to send it back - tell the chef to make it extra extra hot. HURT ME. MAKE ME CRY. The hottest you've made all week long.
WAITRESS: Ok, I tell chef, you want it extra hot.
(the dish arrives ... it barely qualifies as "mildly spicy")

A week ago, I went to lunch with 5 co-workers to a nearby Thai restaurant, that we'd been to several times before. The menu peaks out at "3 star" hot for certain dishes. Everyone ordered dishes that were 1-3 stars. The waitress turned to me, and I politely asked for extra extra extra hot. She balked, then suddenly remembered me from several prior visits, and said she'd speak to the chef. She returned and asked me to pick a heat on the 15 star scale. I thought about it and asked for 12 star hot (3x hotter than their usual limit). The dish finally arrived, and this time it actually had some genuine heat to it ... but not quite the kind of brow-mopping endorphin-dumping culinary heatgasm I was hoping for, so I told her "Next time, 15 please."

Yesturday, we returned, and this time I ordered 15 star hot ... and it arrived less spicy than the 12 they served me last week.

Next time, I'm ordering 20 stars.

p.s. I rarely order spicy dishes in chinese restaurants, because too many of them are lazy and cheat by squirting pre-made hot oil into the finished dish ... so if I order it extra hot, it arrives either drowned in hot oil ala Exxon Valdez (that actually isnt all that hot, nor is the flavor married into the dish), or they'll toss a few whole dried peppers into it, without crushing them first (again, little or no flavor/heat permeates the dish if you do it that way), or they'll make it with no heat and give me a bowl of crushed chili paste on the side, to adjust it myself (too vinegary, and again the flavor isn't married into the dish).

[Aunflin]

Lazy bastards....

[Aunflin]

I recently went to the National Restaurant Associated (NRA) foodshow in Chicago. All the food samples I tried at the show were excellent and I saw many interesting things: the guy demonstrating garnishes was AWESOME!

Anyway, I read somewhere that a highest paying job in Chicago was being a Chef. And so I was sadly disappointed by the food at every restaurant my friends and I ate at.

The first place I ate at, a Swedish place (can't recall the name at the moment...), didn't know how to make applesauce, though it was on their menu. They just sent out cold, unseasoned, un-sugared canned apples! And they didn't know how to make mashed potatoes, either: they were runny and overly buttered with huge chunks of half-cooked potatoes...--they were rather disgusting! However, the roast duckling was quite tasty. I just couldn't comprehend why the chef/kitchen manager would allow such inferior products out of the kitchen--it boggles the mind. If the duckling is good then the potatoes and applesauce should be equally good...

And I ordered a pizza via room service at the motel. It would have been a good pizza if they'd put sauce, cheese, and then toppings. Instead, they put sauce, toppings, and cheese--and browned the cheese almost to the point of being black...

And we went to a Greek restaurant...the service was horrible. They brought us water and drinks, took our order...and ignored us thereafter. I wonder if it was because we're not Greek, though the owner of the new Greek restaurant here in St. Louis was all too happy to have us at his place. Long minutes passed. Everyone else was getting served and waited on...our drinks were empty. Still we were ignored. Finally, we grew quite irritated (at first, we didn't want to cause a scene--but enough is enough!) and got served. After all that, the food was excellent! They really need to work on their servers...

And then on the last day everything went well. We were all tired and hungry--and feeling rather cheep. So we went to a Pancake house. The service was excellent, the waitress friendly, and the food prepared and out to us ten minutes after our order--and I never had to wonder when my coffee would be refilled. As soon as I was finished with one cup the waitress was there to refill me.

So, I guess my bitch is: make sure you have good service and don't serve crap you wouldn't eat yourself.

[Darb]

Amen.

As for duck ... I usually escape disappointment by avoiding it - except under 2 very specific circumstances: (1) the duck dish in question is a long-standing vouched-for specialty of the house; or (2) There's reliable evidence that the Chef/Owner is classically trained and/or is a hardcore aficianado of duck or slow cooking in general.

Just because you're in alien territory doesn't mean you can't try to stack the deck in your favor.

[KeE]

One of my pet peeves in Norwegian restaurants:
You ask for a pint of beer.
What you get is:
*0.4 l of beer! GRRRR! a pint is a bit more than 0.5 l last time I checked
*A glass that problably is cleaned in a bad wasing machine and not wiped afterwards: Stale taste
*A beer that is served without the foam cap that it should have (a lot of beer types should be served with foam cap)
*Payment in blood, about 6-8 $ per "pint" for ordinary pilsner.

KEE

[Aunflin]

Amen.

As for duck ... I usually escape disappointment by avoiding it - except under 2 very specific circumstances: (1) the duck dish in question is a long-standing vouched-for specialty of the house; or (2) There's reliable evidence that the Chef/Owner is classically trained and/or is a hardcore aficianado of duck or slow cooking in general.

Just because you're in alien territory doesn't mean you can't try to stack the deck in your favor.

Well, the only thing good at the place I had the duck was the duck, which was quite fortunate. I keep ordering duck at places in order to learn how to prepare duck. I love duck and want to know how everyone prepares it--whether good or bad. Most of my experiences (except the one that tasted horrible and I got sick after eating it) have been good. However, I can find few duck recipes... And duckling costs a bit here in St. Louis. About the only place I can find it is Whole Foods market for $35 a duckling, though I recently found an Asian market and a local farmer who charge but $7 or $8 a ducking, which is much more reasonable.

And I'll soon be able to get lamb for fairly cheap. My cousin's raising sheep for meat and has offered to sell me some for a reasonable price, though we haven't really haggled on a price as yet, just vaguely talked about it...

[Darb]

$35 a duckling

Gaaah !

I've got not 1 but 2 large duck farms within an hour's drive, not to mention a chef friend of mine who occasionally places orders with them (delivered, too), so if I wanted to I can get high quality fresh duck for fairly cheap. The words "Long Island" and "Duckling" used to be spoken together in respectful terms not all that long ago.

I don't cook duck very often myself ... but it's great smoked, and duck breasts are a cynch to flavor and saute in a hurry.

[Aunflin]

Gaah! Indeed!

Fortunately, I looked around and found duckling for a about a fifth the price--thanfully. I love duck and lamb! I also love beef, pork, chicken, and turky--but I get tired of eating the same ol' meat all the time. I like bison, quail, and ostriche, too. I still can't abide venison...

[Darb]

Venison has to be hung and aged for the flavor to develop and the texture to improve. The few hunters I know have little or no knowledge of proper meat aging technique.

They should require those people to have a license before they ... hey, wait a sec ...

[KeE]

Yep. A license is compulsory for hunters in Norway.
The course you need to complete before being aknowleged as a hunter takes in the basics, among these:
*How to recognize the species *Where to shoot *When to shoot, and most important when not to *How to get within shooting range *How to treat the game after it has been shot, among these is maturing (temperature control important, moose is best tenderized at 40 daydegrees; this means ten days at 4 degrees C).
Still, this is a handcraft that the experts get right every time, but that less eager hunters have quite a lot of trouble with. Tough and dry game is not good eating at all.

KEE

[Darb]

Next time, I'm ordering 20 stars.

Well, I returned to that Thai restaurant again with my co-workers. The waitress remembered me and offered 15 stars again ... I ordered Pad Thai noodles and asked for 20 star heat.

This time, it was just right !

My mouth was doing a slow burn, like a backyard BBQ, my brow was sweatin like a sauna, and my blood was all aglow with pleasure-inducing endorphins ... the human body's own natural opiate painkiller. There's nothing like tricking your body into fighting pain that doesn't actually exist ... a little sweating & oral heat is a small price to pay for a nice natural high.