HUMOUR (Linguistic): War On Said - say what?

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felonius
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Post by felonius »

"Um...er...hmm...that is..." searched felon, then thought better of it and fell silent.

"Popcicles here! Fudgicles too!" chimed a Good Humor man as he cycled past the still-raging Metathesis Melee.
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Post by Darb »

[quote="Ghost"]“You can’t really cry and be menacing at the same time.â€
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Post by Ghost »

Deciding it was a good time to suspend the phony suffocating sounds, “Not so quick,â€
If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animating contest of freedom, go from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains sit lightly upon you,
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Post by Darb »

The Dark Lord's lightsaber flashed redly into view.

"Arrrrgh !!" frothed Spiel, as he slashed downwards, cleaving the plasteel desk in twain. He quickly worked himself into a berserk frenzy, as he sank deeply into the dark side of the linguistic force.

Dodging another blindingly fast cut, Ghost sprang for the door leading to the corridor, with the Dark Lord of the Said in hot verbal pursuit. "Aieeeeeee !!" quailed a passing technician, as the darting lightsaber screamed towards her with an angry hum ... neatly dismembering her at mid-thigh. "Hahahahah !!" preened the dark one, rapidly becomming drunk on his talent for inflicting death and linguistic discomfort on helpless bystanders.

Looking around, he spotted Ghost backing his way further up the corridor. "Stand and fight meeeeeeeee !!" yodeled the evil one, as he charged. "You owe me points, and the Dark Side shall not be denied !" he mauled, attacking simultaneously with words and saber both. The saber moaned and hummed as it whistled through the air, unleashing showers of sparks and molten metal whenever it clipped a bulkhead or atomized it's way through a heavy metal stanschion.

Parrying and riposting with seemingly wild abandon, the two Jedi masters slowly worked their way up the corridor, with Spiel advancing and Ghost slowly giving way before him ...

For a moment, they locked sabers, and stood toe to toe. "I see your schwartz is as big as mine" reflected Lord Spiel, wheezing heavily behind the mask of his dark helmet. Ghost was uncertain whether Spiel was being serious, or merely parodying the infamous line from the movie "Spaceballs". As for the wheezing, that part was definitely real ... Spiel had put a few pounds since their last run in decades earlier, and he occasionally caught glimpses of an unflattering paunch behind the darkly billowing robes.
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Post by Ghost »

Deciding it would be good for the old tub of lard to get some exercise; if not to lighten his body, to lighten his soul, Ghost turned, ran and keened, “Catch me if you can Gardikin!â€
If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animating contest of freedom, go from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains sit lightly upon you,
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Post by Darb »

"Return to the light side ? NEVER !!" renounced Darth Spiel, pausing just long enough to catch his breath.

"Make way, you fools" zig-zagged the Dark Lord, charging and bellybucking his way through a tight formation of goose-stepping Say Troopers like a battering ram through a rack of bowling pins ... eventually coming to a panting halt in the turbo-lift at the end of the main hub of Deck 13. The doors whooshed shut, cutting off the tangle of fallen troopers from view ...

... and reopened moments later, revealing the main battle bridge of the SSD Unspeakable. Admiral Spake spun around, surprised at the interruption and (predictably) experienced his usual temporary loss of words.

"I WANT THE REBEL FLEET ANNIHILATED" lashed the Dark Lord of the Said. "DON'T FAIL ME, SPAKE ... Admiral Talk was 27th officer I've killed this week, I'm running out of promotable men, and I'm getting more than a little bored with this particular running joke."

The ship's collision alert claxon keened suddenly overhead ...
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Post by Ghost »

In the unison of synchronize swimmers, the senior staff on the bridge turned and gapped at the main front monitor open mouthed, that is except for Spiel whose face shield covered up his shocked expression. It was a sight to see, a score of photon torpedoes coming in at break-neck speed.

“What the hell?â€
If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animating contest of freedom, go from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains sit lightly upon you,
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Post by Darb »

The SSD Unspeakable shuddered percepibly as the fullisade of torpedoes impacted the massive superstructure. Up on the bridge, Commander Spake fell heavily, hitting his head on the navigational console. Stunned, he crawled over to the helmswoman. "Lt Layla, I'm down here on my knees ... help me up" he woozed. :slap:

Meanwhile, in the starboard anterior hanger bay, Darth Spiel launched his TELL-Fighter, queued up some Judas Priest on his 50,000 watt stereo, and immediately began blasting rebel WHY-Wings to smithereens ...

"You rebels have got another thing coming" he head-banged to himself. :twisted: :metal: :metal: :metal: :twisted:

[EDIT: multi-media linkages tweaked - warning, heavy broadband use required]
[EDIT: 478 to 1 now]
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Post by Ghost »

“And now a short interruption for a paid announcement from our sponsors,â€
If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animating contest of freedom, go from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains sit lightly upon you,
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Post by Darb »

Darth Spiel checks the chronometer in his TELL-Fighter, and sees that 6 hours have lapsed without anyone challenging him.

"Blahahahahahaha ... my might is SUPREME and nobody will face me !" he exulted. "Now that all resistance has been totally crushed beneath my jackbooted heels, I can re-shape the Empire however I wish" he overweened further.

"I think my first imperial decree shall be to order the hemlines raised for all female crew persons" he plotted. "Oh, and I'll definitely have to outlaw brassiers, on pain of double mastectomy ... 'loose em or lose em' ... heh heh heh." he planned next, already daydreaming about the postive effects on Lt. Lay-yah's attire.

After performing an elaborate inverse wing-over victory roll through the drifting wreckage of the rebel fleet, he headed back towards The Unspeakable's landing bay ...
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Post by Kvetch »

/shift perspective

in a blacked out bridge, on another ship:
"the illusory shield really works!" a voice crackled over the intercom
"shhh" silenced another voice
"we don't don't know how good their sensors are" it continued
"I'm the family radical. The rest are terribly stuffy. Aside from Aunt - she's just odd."
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Post by Darb »

No credit for 'continued' ... already been used. :P
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Post by Kvetch »

and I checked too... :cry: :roll:
"I'm the family radical. The rest are terribly stuffy. Aside from Aunt - she's just odd."
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Post by Darb »

Darth Spiel glared darkly at his assembled support staff, awaiting their response to his just-completed megalomaniacal diatribe about his impending campaign of galactic terror.

“It’s brilliant, Lord Spiel !â€
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Post by Kvetch »

concurred, demurred.
"I'm the family radical. The rest are terribly stuffy. Aside from Aunt - she's just odd."
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Post by Darb »

{Long dramatic pause}

"It's too quiet in here !" bemoaned Lord Spiel, his hand still raised.
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Post by Kvetch »

"Sorry about that, sir" wittered Communications Officer Vogon. "The sonic supressors were accidentally focused on the control room when the spelling mistakes of the recording clerk were noted*"

"Then it is upon you that the reparation for both your follies will fall." [no description of speaking used at all] The Dark Lord gestured at Vogon. "I condemm you to three months in the puncuation sorting pits" he sentenced

"bu...


*Todei/Todie and Aldebaran/Aldeberan for starters
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Post by Darb »

"Ooooooh, let me torture him for you, Lord Spiel !" wheedled Ensign Todei, as he rubbed his hands together expectantly. "I'm very very good at it ... I've been practicing for months on small cuddly animals." :twisted:
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Post by voralfred »

"Why wasn't I informed earlier of the existence of this old, cold dead thread?" he resurrected!!!
(H.R.Ts, batman :P )
Last edited by voralfred on Tue Dec 11, 2007 5:56 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Post by voralfred »

"Scrunch, scrunch" xylophaged Coptotermes formosanus.
"I hate these foreign invaders" xenophobed the hapless owner of south-east-asian-termites-infested collapsed ruins.

Two words starting with X to complete the alphabet.
Last edited by voralfred on Tue Dec 11, 2007 6:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by voralfred »

WAR ON SAID: 499 to 1

abjured, absolved, abused, acknowledged, acquiesced, accused, added, admitted, admonished, advised, advertised, advocated, affirmed, agreed, alleged, allowed, alluded, amended, announced, answered, aped, appended, applauded, apologized, apoplexed, approved, argued, articulated, asked, assaulted, attested, augured, authorized, averred, avowed,

babbled, badgered, baited, bantered, barked, bawled, belted-out, began, begged, belabored, bellowed, bellyached, bemoaned, berated, bewailed, bitched, blabbed, blared, blathered, blatted, bleated, blurted, blushed, blustered, boasted, bombasted, boomed, bragged, brayed, breathed, bribed, broadcasted, browbeat, bullied, burbled, buzzed

cackled, cajoled, called, capitulated, carped, castigated, catcalled, caterwauled, cautioned, challenged, chatted, chattered, chanted, charged, cheered, chided, chimed, chirped, chittered, chortled, chorused, chuckled, clamored, clapped, clarified, coaxed, coerced, commanded, communicated, complained, complied, conceded, concluded, concurred, condemned, confessed, confirmed, congratulated, continued, consented, consulted, cooed, coughed, cracked, crackled, cried, cried-out, criticized, croaked, crooned, crowed, cursed,

damned, deadpanned, debated, decided, declaimed, declared, declined, decreed, decried, deduced, deflected, demanded, demonstrated, demurred, denied, denounced, deplored, derived, derided, directed, dithered, disagreed, discussed, dissembled, dissuaded, divulged, drawled, drooled, droned,

echoed, effused, ejaculated, elaborated, emancipated, emphasized, ended, endorsed, enquired, enticed, enumerated, enunciated, enquired, equivocated, erupted, established, evoked, exclaimed, excoriated, exhaled, exhorted, expanded, expectorated, explained, exploded, expostulated, expounded, expressed, extemporized, exulted,

fibbed, flailed, floundered, flouted, fobbed, foretold, forewarned, fretted, frothed, fussed,

gabbed, gagged, gargled, gasped, gesticulated, giggled, gloated, goggled, gossiped, grated, grimaced, grinned, griped, groaned, grouched, groused, growled, grunted, grumbled, guffawed, gushed,

hailed, harrumphed, harangued, head-banged, hectored, heckled, hedged, heralded, highlighted, hinted, hissed, hooted, howled, hummed, hushed, husked

implied, inferred, informed, ingratiated, inquired, interrogated, interrupted, insinuated, instructed, insulted, interjected, intimidated, intoned

jabbered, jeered, jested, jibed, jittered, joked, jousted, judged, jumped-in,

keened, kidded, kicked-out, kvetched

lamented, laughed, lashed, lectured, leered, libeled, lied, lisped, lobbied

maintained, mangled, marveled, mauled, meandered, menaced, mentioned, mewled, minimized, misquoted, moaned, mocked, moralized, mouthed, mourned, mumbled, murmured, mused, muttered

nagged, narked, nattered, non-sequitured, noted, nudged

obfuscated, objected, observed, offered, okayed, opined, orated, ordered, ostracized, overweened,

pardoned, parodied, parroted, pestered, piffled, planned, pleaded, plotted, pointed-out, pondered, portended, pontificated, pouted, prattled, prayed, preached, preened, pressured, prevaricated, prodded, pronounced, prophesied, proposed, protested, punned, purred, pushed, put-in

quacked, quailed, quavered, queried, questioned, quibbled, quipped, quivered, quoted

railed, rambled, ranted, rasped, raved, razzed, rebuked, recalled, recognized, reeled, reflected, refused, reiterated, relayed, relented, rejoiced, reminded, remarked, remonstrated, renounced, requested, repeated, reported, replied, reproached, repudiated, requested, responded, resumed, resurrected, retaliated, retched, retorted, returned, revealed, ridiculed, riposted, roared, rocked

sang, sassed, schemed, scolded, screamed, screeched, scolded, scoffed, scowled, searched, seethed, self-effaced, sentenced, shamed, shammed, shot back, shouted, shrieked, shrilled, sighed, silenced, simpered, slammed, slandered, slurred, smiled, smirked, snarled, snapped, sneered, sniped, sniveled, sniggered, snickered, snorted, soothed, sobbed, solicited, spat, spitted, spoke-up, spoofed, spouted, sprayed, sputtered, squawked, squealed, squeaked, squealed, stammered, stated, stipulated, subsumed, suggested, supplied, stuttered, submitted, sub-shushed, swanked, swore

taunted, teased, thundered, tittered, tormented, trailed-off, translated, trumpeted, tutted, tut-tutted, twittered,

ululated, undulated, urged, uttered

validated, vaunted, ventured, verbalized, verified, vilified, visited, vituperated, vocalized, voiced, volunteered, vowed

wailed, wallowed, warned, waxed, welcomed, went, wept, whapped, wheedled, wheezed, whimpered, whined, whispered, whistled, whooped, wished, wittered, wondered, woozed, worried

xenophobed, xylophaged,

yakked, yammered, yawned, yapped, yawped, yelled, yelped, yipped, yodeled, yowled

zeugma-ed, zigzagged, zinged

One more effort, and we reach the half-thousand mark, he sai... oops! :oops: :oops:
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Post by Darb »

"500 !" ballyhooed the narrator excitedly, as Darth Spiel finally resettled his evil gaze (after a 34 month lapse) on Minister Chamberlain.

"But the Aldeberan Accords ... we'd announced it throught the Republic that it'd brought peace in our time. Was that a lie, Lord Spiel ?" inquired the disbelieving leader of the diplomatic corps.
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Post by voralfred »

You used "narrated" quite a few times, but it is not, as such, in the list, ... though I am a bit uncertain about the existence of the verb "nattered".
Should I edit the list?

Then the unscrupulous, belly-crawling, backstabbing, Ensign Tohdei cannot easily "unscrupule" anyone or anything, but could certainly have belly-crawled and backstabbed with words, couldn't he?
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Post by Darb »

Only boldfaced words are being offered as candidate variations on the word "said".

[mod: reduced font of this post and post above.]
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Post by voralfred »

The narrator narrated further:
"What torture would befit anyone who disparaged the Darth Spiel as a lier," Ensign Todei backstabbed Minister Chamberlain, "when having misled the enemy through ambiguous information is the nec plus ultra of the supreme military wisdom which is so characteristic of our valued Dark Lord!", he belly-crawled unscrupulously.

"nattered" does exist, and can be used for "said", so I now claim "narrated", which is still not on the list, though it has been used several times.

On the other hand,Ghost used reprimanded, though not in boldface, but it is not on the list! Contrariwise, "requested" appears on the list twice. Should I add reprimanded and erase the extraneous "requested" in my the latest list? That would not change the total number!
Human is as human does....Animals don't weep, Nine

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