HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

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E Pericoloso Sporgersi
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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by E Pericoloso Sporgersi »

@ Voralfred: :mrgreen: and :gun: Image

Forwarded by my cousin:
It was Annabelle's and Bubba's 50th wedding anniversary.

They were sitting at the breakfast table that morning when Annabelle mused, 'Just think, Bubba, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'

'I know,' old Bubba said. 'Back then, we were sittin' here naked as a jaybird.'

'Well,' she snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'

Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and again sat down at the table.

'You know, honey,' the old lady flirtatiously remarked, 'Your weenie is a bit slow on the uptake, these days, but my nipples are still as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'

'Ain't surprising,' grinned Bubba, 'One's hangin' in yer coffee and the other's in yer oatmeal.'
P.S. I could have changed the names to fit a certain French physicist, but then I remembered that I'm older.
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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by voralfred »

I think it is only fair to warn you that my wife works out at the gym several times per week....
... and that she is very susceptible...
:P



On a somber note: a Sage was once asked what was the most honorable place when attending a funeral: ahead of the coffin, behind it, on the left side or on the right side. He answered: all these positions are fine, what is really important
Spoiler: show
is not to br within it!
Human is as human does....Animals don't weep, Nine

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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by laurie »

He Said, She Said

He said ... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said ... You wear pants don't you?

He said ... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said ... Okay, you stand by the sink & wash dishes while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart.

He said ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said ... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said ... How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said ... I don't know; it has never happened.

He said ... Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
She said ... They already have boyfriends.

He said ... What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
She said ... A widow.

He said ... Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said ... Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." -- Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

"So where the hell is he?" -- Laurie
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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by E Pericoloso Sporgersi »

From my cousin's British friend
Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, 'Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?'
Mabel answered, 'I have a suppository in my ear?' She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, 'Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid.'
__________________________________________________________
When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhoea. No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, 'You know very well that he died of diarrhoea, not gonorrhoea.' Replied the widow, 'I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhoea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big sh*t he always was.'
_______________________________________________________
An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: 'Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . please advise..' The old man faxed back: 'Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.'
__________________________________________________________
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket . They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, 'Watch that wall!'
__________________________________________________________
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, 'I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.' I said, 'Well, then why are you crying?' She said, 'He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favourite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon. I said, 'Well, why are you crying?' She said, 'For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favourite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.' I said, 'Well, why in the world would you be crying?'
She said, 'I can't remember where I live!'
__________________________________________________________
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.' Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
__________________________________________________________
THE SENILITY PRAYER
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
__________________________________________________________
Now, I think you're supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe 10, oh hell, send it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are. Then something is supposed to happen . . . . I think.
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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by E Pericoloso Sporgersi »

Womens' lament:
MEN !!!
One day, my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, " OHIO STATE !"

And they say blondes are dumb ...
_________________________________________________________
A couple is lying in bed.

The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

The woman replies, "I'll miss you ..."
_________________________________________________________
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today." Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
_________________________________________________________
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor!
_________________________________________________________
Dear Lord, I beg you to grant me
Wisdom to understand my husband,
Love to forgive his gaffes,
Patience to endure his fickle moods.

Because, Lord, if you granted me Strength,
I would beat him to death.

AMEN
_________________________________________________________
Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.
_________________________________________________________
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

A: Trustworthy.
_________________________________________________________
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
_________________________________________________________
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end to wipe.
_________________________________________________________
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename your email folder "Instruction Manuals."
Sorry, fellows, just passing it on.
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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by E Pericoloso Sporgersi »

To offset the previous post:
Nine words women use
  • 1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you men need to shut up.

    2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes are only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

    3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

    4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

    5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

    6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when your will pay for your mistake.

    7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say she's welcome.

    8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying "I don't believe you".

    9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.
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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by voralfred »

One special for you and me, EPS.

These two guys have been friends since their boyhood. They traveled the world together, climbed mountains togehter, went to the wildest parties together, got drunk together, for years and years and decades.
Now they are both in a pensioners home, taking their evening meal together.
One turns to the other one and asks: "I know we have been friends for ever and ever, but, right now, I just can't remember your name. What is it, exactly?"
The other gives him a good look and answers:
Spoiler: show
Do you really need the answer right now?
Human is as human does....Animals don't weep, Nine

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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by laurie »

While walking down the street one day a U.S. Senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. The Senator's soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator.

St Peter says, "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules", replies St.Peter.

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven," St Peter says.

So the Senator joins a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and the 24 hours in heaven passes and St. Peter returns.

"Well, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now which will you choose for your eternity?" St Peter asks.

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers, "Well, I never would have thought it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be happier and better off... in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The Devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The Devil looks at him, smiles and says,
Spoiler: show
"Yesterday we were campaigning. Today... you voted."
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." -- Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

"So where the hell is he?" -- Laurie
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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by laurie »

You Know You’re Getting “Marvelously Mature”...



When you and your teeth don't sleep together.

When you try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.

When, at the breakfast table, you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.

When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.

When it takes two tries to get up from the couch.

When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

When happy hour is a nap.

When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.

When all you want for your birthday is not to be reminded of your age.

When your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

When it takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

When your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.

When the pharmacist has become your new best friend.

When everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt... doesn't work.

When you sink your teeth into a steak... and they stay there.

When you wonder how you could be over the hill because you don't remember being on top of it.
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." -- Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

"So where the hell is he?" -- Laurie
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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by sweetharleygirl »

:lol: I'm glad to know I'm marvelously mature, at least according to the above. Although i don't mentally feel all that mature most of the time! :mrgreen:
Live Well, Laugh Often & Love Much

Millions of people living as foes, maybe, it's not to late to learn how to love and forget how to hate. ~ Ozzy Osbourne
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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by E Pericoloso Sporgersi »

Euro-English
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other strong contender. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan to introduce modifications that will be announced as 'Euro-English 101'.

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of repeated (double) letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the mes of the silent 'e' in the languag should disapear becaus it is horibl and disgrasful.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and ozer minor changes vil bi introducet. After ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a real sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand each oza. Ze dream of a unitet Europ vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al bi spiking German like zey vanted in ze first plas, sefenti yers ago.
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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by laurie »

Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking



Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.

"Follow me, son!" the father shark said to the son shark. And they swam to the mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.

"Now we eat everybody." And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"

His wise father replied,
Spoiler: show
"Because they taste better without the sh*t inside!"

Now you know...
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." -- Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

"So where the hell is he?" -- Laurie
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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by E Pericoloso Sporgersi »

GREAT TRUTHS
THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

8 ) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.


THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.

2) Wrinkles don't hurt.

3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.


ABOUT GROWING OLD:


1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.


THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.

2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.

3) You are Santa Claus.

4) You look like Santa Claus.


SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.

At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.

At age 17 success is . . . Having a driver's license.

At age 35 success is . . . Having money.

At age 50 success is . . . Having money.

At age 70 success is . . . Having a drivers license.

At age 75 success is . . . Having friends.

At age 80 success is . . . Not piddling in your pants.
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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by E Pericoloso Sporgersi »

ZEN Teachings
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

3.. No one is listening until you fart.

4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet..

6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8.. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.

13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse .... then things just keep getting worse.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by voralfred »

E Pericoloso Sporgersi wrote:(...)
19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse .... then things just keep getting worse.
(...)

How true, how true...
Human is as human does....Animals don't weep, Nine

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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by sweetharleygirl »

I love those Zen Teachings, except I must disagree with number 2, I always think sex is important, it's just tragic if you're not getting any! :lol: :lol:
Live Well, Laugh Often & Love Much

Millions of people living as foes, maybe, it's not to late to learn how to love and forget how to hate. ~ Ozzy Osbourne
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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by laurie »

Investment Advice, Circa 2008

If you purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.

If you purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.

If you purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.

But, if you purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for the recycling refund, you will have received $214.00.

Based on the above, your best current investment is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg Plan.
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." -- Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

"So where the hell is he?" -- Laurie
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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by laurie »

The blonde scores again! :lol:

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have!'

He tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.'

He takes off his pants and the blonde says,' "What massive calves you have!'

The body builder tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.'

He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear.

The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies,
Spoiler: show
'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!'
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." -- Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

"So where the hell is he?" -- Laurie
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E Pericoloso Sporgersi
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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by E Pericoloso Sporgersi »

laurie wrote:The blonde scores again! :lol:
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'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!'
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I've known this for quite a long time. But in the format of a pantomimed sketch.

You can easily imagine the guys mime. But the joke's climax comes with the final statement by the blonde who exclaims "Rather short fuse, isn't it?" while she raises her pinkie.
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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by laurie »

Monastic Life



A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.

So, the new monk goes to the old Abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The Abbot says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

The Abbot goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old Abbot.

The young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing:

"We copied it wrong!"

"We copied it wrong!"

"We copied it wrong!"

His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.

The young monk asks the old Abbot, "What's wrong, Father?"

With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies,

"The word was...
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CELEBRATE!!!
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." -- Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

"So where the hell is he?" -- Laurie
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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by voralfred »

Nice one, but I can't imagine the exact sentence where this particular verb could be confused with the adjective that was copied in its stead....
Human is as human does....Animals don't weep, Nine

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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by laurie »

voralfred wrote:Nice one, but I can't imagine the exact sentence where this particular verb could be confused with the adjective that was copied in its stead....
I know... but then, those manuscripts were also in Latin, so the words wouldn't be "celibate" & "celebrate" anyway. :roll:

Let's not be too picky about jokes, okay? :)
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." -- Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

"So where the hell is he?" -- Laurie
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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by voralfred »

In latin? Oh, I was quite off the mark!
I was thinking in terms of sanscrit rules translated in ancient japanese... I must say that ofr the past weeks, I have seen uncounted numbers of parchments covered in old japanese characters (that none of the Japanese who also saw them coudl understand, precisely about rules for monks and nuns.. in buddhist monasteries :lol:
Human is as human does....Animals don't weep, Nine

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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by CodeBlower »

oh, they'd love to have'm .. but they're not getting nun.
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The gelding is what the gelding is, unlike people who change in response to their perceptions of events that may benefit or threaten their power. -- Lorn, Chapter LXXXII, Magi'i of Cyador
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Re: HUMOR: BKM's bad hume-hair day (e-humor, puns & 1-liners)

Post by E Pericoloso Sporgersi »

Floor it!
A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the dealer's parking lot. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 100mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the M1, enjoying pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 120mph, then 140, then 160mph. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir", said the policeman.
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