The Internet Book Database of Fiction

Posted: **Wed Jun 06, 2007 4:17 pm**

Bow before me, you pathetic mortals...

Yes, I am the great Mr. Titanic. The legends hold true. I've come to see. I've come to conquer. I've come to assure you that the following will be conducted:

1. I will employ an army that will raid your streets, seeking to relinquish all chocolate. It will be melted down, and used to erect a grand statue of myself in the center of your village.

2. I will have my army take possession of your jewelry, so I can look totally FABOULOUS!

3. I will force your people to raise nothing but chickens, so that I can eternally wake up to deep fried tenders and ketchup. (With 0 trans fat*)

*Per serving only. Exceptions may apply. Consult participating KFC for more health oriented information.

4. I will ensure that all those who oppose me are to be confined and subject to feathers taken to the bottoms of their feet, armpits and necks daily. Those who are not ticklish will share a cell with the Spelling Mistress.

5. I will sear ANTHONY into the Titanic's hull, so that I may say "Yes, I DO see my name on it."

6. I will force anyone who sasses the great ME to shove straws into their nostrils and make walrus noises at the base of my throne, as entertainment following a meal of fine wine and Gorgonzola cheese with fellow Monarchs.

7. I will ban all excessively long fake red-painted fingernails for obvious reasons. Especially for those working as my secretaries.

If you look like this:

8. I will capture you and make you my personal puppy! <3

9. I will make you ignore # 8.

10. I will force your eldest daughter to floss my teeth, because I cannot be bothered with it acquiring my own precious time.

11. Eleven is a stupid number.

12. I will train and evolve wild Pokemon, because that is what I am all about. This will not include Pikachu, who must be caged and launched away.

13. I will fire my parents, and have cheesecake for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Then, I will hire an aerobics instructor in their place.

14. I will paste the image of previous individuals once in elite standing on a dartboard. Said item will be utilized in times of intense stress.

15. Restaurants that serve beans will be shut down and set aflame.

16. I will no longer allow traits such as "State bird" and "State flower" to apply to my kingdom. Instead, there will be State Drink (Iced Caramel Macchiato with French Vanilla extract - among other fruity drinks) and State Handsome Rich Monarch Boy (Myself) to define it.

17. Lashings of ginger beer for everyone! I will force everyone to believe I am British. Jolly ho.

18. I will proceed to jump on my bed right after you and the other servants have completed making it. This will result in a cycle of repeated destruction and order.

19. If the sun is bothering me, I will evaporate your water supply in order to ensure it's annoying rays do not wake me. If they do, run. Fast.

20. Any peasants the same age as myself will be deported to remote areas, where I will not have to bother with their existence.

21. I will not bother with making up crap anymore.

I got bored... And I'm just kidding.

There is a thunderstorm outside too.

Posted: **Wed Jun 06, 2007 4:27 pm**

All bow down to the great and powerful Mr. Titanic!!

11 IS a stupid number!

Posted: **Wed Jun 06, 2007 4:34 pm**

Yes, but Eleventy One is a great number!

Posted: **Wed Jun 06, 2007 4:42 pm**

Mr. Titanic wrote:Bow before me, you pathetic mortals...

Yes, I am the great Mr. Titanic. The legends hold true. I've come to see. I've come to conquer. I've come to assure you that the following will be conducted:

1. I will employ an army that will raid your streets, seeking to relinquish all chocolate. It will be melted down, and used to erect a grand statue of myself in the center of your village.

2. I will have my army take possession of your jewelry, so I can look totally FABOULOUS! ...
I got bored... And I'm just kidding. There is a thunderstorm outside too.

In your position, I would melt all the jewelry, so I could have a statue of myself in the center of the village that would look totally FABOULOUS... and I'll eat all the chocolate...

A good thing you said you were just kidding! It looked like such a mainstream political program at first reading

Posted: **Wed Jun 06, 2007 5:21 pm**

hmmm...you may want to read the following for more inspiration

viewtopic.php?t=1765

Posted: **Wed Jun 06, 2007 6:16 pm**

I know! Eleven is just trying to clone one. And clones are not welcome in my kingdom, because only I am allowed to look this handsome. If I am cloned, hell might break loose and freeze over.

Ohhh. Volalfred, you must see # 6. Although your ideas are brilliant, that is not how we do!

It's WALRUS TIME!

You may not call him Wally-man. Wally Wally.

*Taps Chin* Have all this jewelry promptly doubled by pillaging the neighboring kingdom. Melt half of it into a totally FABOULOUS statue! This may work. The other half will be reserved for days I am feeling UN-FABULOUS!

Daetara, Haha. I loved that one. But mine is better, condensed and currently in effect. I have overthrown Brad, he is a thing of the past. And no longer matters. Forget him, or I will condemn you to the chamber of feathers.

This is more like random stuff, as opposed to something that can actually pass as funny.

Posted: **Fri Jun 08, 2007 7:55 am**

My kingdom will conduct a raid of your kingdom and seize the chocolate statue. I don't think I have to tell you which part we will melt down first.

Posted: **Fri Jun 08, 2007 8:44 am**

I don't know about melting, but you'll of course have to eat the ears before proceeding to anything else. That's the first rule of any chocolate statue!! The ears MUST be eaten first!!!

Posted: **Fri Jun 08, 2007 10:25 am**

StefanY wrote:I don't know about melting, but you'll of course have to eat the ears before proceeding to anything else. That's the first rule of any chocolate statue!! The ears MUST be eaten first!!!

As this clearly illustrates, your theory is definitely up for debate...

Posted: **Fri Jun 08, 2007 10:55 am**

Ha ha ha!!!

Posted: **Fri Jun 08, 2007 12:36 pm**

violetblue wrote:My kingdom will conduct a raid of your kingdom and seize the chocolate statue. I don't think I have to tell you which part we will melt down first.

*GASP*

Blasphemy. My kingdom has long since assimilated ALL other kingdoms. I happen to be the supreme Monarch of the universe now. It's finally true, the world does revolve around me! How dare you speak of such things, perhaps I should have you seized and coated with chocolate! Then stand you up near the dungeons as testimony to what traitors can expect!

Hahaha!!! I love that picture! Besides, you couldn't take my statue away. What about the citizens of my kingdom? They will no longer have a deity.

Posted: **Fri Jun 08, 2007 9:17 pm**

Mr. Titanic wrote: How dare you speak of such things, perhaps I should have you seized and coated with chocolate!

YYAAWWNN, been there, done that.

You'll have to come up with something more original to save all your "parts" from my conquering army of cyberborg kitties.

Posted: **Fri Jun 08, 2007 10:39 pm**

maybe this isn't the best time to tell you that there were production issues...those darn persians again...so there's really only just...me.

Posted: **Sat Jun 09, 2007 4:24 pm**

violetblue wrote:YYAAWWNN, been there, done that.

You'll have to come up with something more original to save all your "parts" from my conquering army of cyberborg kitties.

*Twitch*

Tame your tongue, dear. Otherwise, I'll have my army of Sorcerer Swordsmen pelt you insignificant hide with Hershey's Kisses! You will humble yourself in the presence of Mr. Titanic, monarch of the universe! Afterwards, I might just have His Majesty's Waste Management Inc (HMWM) toss you deep within the liquorice dungeon of doom.

*Magic spell of Terror*

Look at that. It's raining, and all your cyborg kitties have become... piles of Iron oxide.

Posted: **Sun Jun 10, 2007 9:15 pm**

I create a swarm of nano bots that consumes the entire universe thus destroying all life. I win

Posted: **Sun Jun 10, 2007 9:33 pm**

I turn back time and destroy you as a child. I win.

You are no match for my Oracle-like powers.

Bow before Prince Ali !

Posted: **Mon Jun 11, 2007 5:41 pm**

I have no fear of you! I stand firm in unquestioning reverence of the all mighty Evil Empress, Cho. She is gone, but will return - and when that time comes, I hope my faithfulness will at least prolong my survival.

Posted: **Mon Jun 11, 2007 7:21 pm**

All your Base are Mine.

You will be assimilated.

Posted: **Mon Jun 11, 2007 8:27 pm**

*Head resting in the palm of his right hand, a bored expression taking shape*

Yes.. Yes....

*Points both index and middle fingers at Kvetch and Kilt - shooting two large bolts of blue lightning at them out of each finger, exthinguishing them instantly upong contact. *

Mr. Titanic/Prince Ali will not tolerate such disrespect. Not only am I evil, but I always win in the end! *Blows smoke off finger tips* And my unfathomable monarch sorcery gives me the great magic of powerplay!

Fall before me! *Telepathically lifts a dart, tossing it right onto Cho's eye on the dartboard.* Bulls eye.

The previous rulers were nothing but talk. Talk is cheap. I value action. But don't take my word for it, I trust you've received a personal demonstration.

Posted: **Mon Jun 11, 2007 8:48 pm**

Have no fear, good Sir, good Madam.
My charms of protection - I just happen to have a few left over from the last attempt by an evil overlord...I might be persuaded to let 1 or 2 go, for a small consideration [plus postage] - are renowned for their efficacy [testimonials by request] especially useful when confronted by an evil chocolate bunny.
/ingratiating smile, /radiating honesty

Posted: **Mon Jun 11, 2007 9:07 pm**

hey, can i get one of those? i fear that his penchant for melting jewelry might eventually extend to metal bodies...and i rather like mine the way it is.

i do require one of those testimonials you advertised, however.

Posted: **Tue Jun 12, 2007 5:21 pm**

I unleash the power of the autobot matrix of leadership and destroy the evil that is Mr. Titanic.

Posted: **Tue Jun 12, 2007 6:47 pm**

Mr. Titanic wrote:*Points both index and middle fingers at Kvetch and Kilt - shooting two large bolts of blue lightning at them out of each finger, exthinguishing them instantly upong contact. *

*Reappearing a short distance away.*

Getting that super-speed upgrade was so useful.

*polishes nails on coat*

Posted: **Tue Jun 12, 2007 7:38 pm**

daetara wrote:hey, can i get one of those? i fear that his penchant for melting jewelry might eventually extend to metal bodies...and i rather like mine the way it is.

i do require one of those testimonials you advertised, however.

... it's also "a cure and preventative for all venereal diseases, necrosis, epilepsy, cholera, scarlet fever, malaria, sciatica, anxiety, gout, rheumatism and 'mercurial eruptions'.â€

Posted: **Tue Jun 12, 2007 9:39 pm**

(( returns from the inter-mission with a fresh bucket of hot, buttery popcorn and a jumbo beverage, plops into his seat, and prepares to enjoy the 2nd act ... ))

The Internet Book Database of Fiction

I require that you...

I require that you...

Re: I require that you...